Lionesses
by pikatif
Summary: Voltron AU One-Shots where the lions are neko girls - bonding is gonna be a lot more fun (and hassle). Rated T for some swearing, couples change (I'm a multishipper) and your ideas are welcome! Ch. 11: Earth is a bright and new place - perfect for shenanigans! (I'm back yo)
1. The Voltron Crew

**Lionesses**

 **A/N So I have like 3 fanfics I'm writing/planning at the same time, they'll probs all end up unfinished rip.  
Also I have exams but they're nearly over so HAHA I can procrastinate. This fic is gonna mainly be Voltron one-shots except where the lions are girls and hot furries (don't worry I prob won't do any chara/OC ships since they're a bit cringe imo) Also I'm a multishipper so I be doin fluff for basically ****_all_** **the ships! …In time. Please no hate here I'm just enjoying writing crap and you're enjoying reading this crap so thank you.**

 **(This ain't gon be chronological either – I'll say when each is set at the beginning of each chap)**

 **NOW LET'S BEGIN!**

* * *

Pidge's Guide to the Voltron Crew

 ** _Set just after Pidge finds Matt_**

I'm sure we can all remember Pidge's glorious moments of dissing the other characters, since she's a badass bae. Once she finally found her brother, there was only one thing to do: a full-on guided tour around the castle whilst describing everyone 110% accurately.

"Are you ready to be amazed?"

Matt grinned back at his sister, "Hit me with those memes!"

She sighed, but still grinned at his cringiness, "Kay then, and always be prepared to _run_."

"Since you know Space Dad and Emo Kid, we can skip them and get straight to the good stuff. First up, Loverboy Lance. He thinks he's cool; he isn't. He tries too hard but is actually a nice guy, unless you keep staring at Allura. Also, his hips don't lie, and if you piss him off a lot he'll send a string of angry Spanish in your direction. Trust me, there's a camera feed and Keith's face at all that foreign is _priceless_."

"Now onto Hunk o' Goodness. He. Is. The. Best. Chef. EVER. Honestly, you are staying till lunch to get a taste of his dishes. He's the best shoulder to lean on and gives the best hugs – unless you're on a spaceship, then he'll probably barf on you. Honestly though, he's a genius," She admitted reluctantly, "Nearly as good as me. We're the best team – without us this ship would've busted ages ago, and honestly? I believe we deserve more love and attention."

At this her brother gave her a look that said sis-you-had-like-two-seasons-of-character-arc-give-Hunk-some-love-for-once.

She laughed, "Alright, you can give him a hug later."

"Now for _your_ favourite, Allura." She wiggled her brows with a knowing smirk, at which Matt blushed and nudged her. "She's pretty cool, I guess. Also, you'd be better off not crushing on her – she's already crushed Lance's heart 50 times and has had more moments with _Keith_ \- and he's gay!"

Matt blinked and paused his sister, "Wait, Keith's _gay_?" How did he miss this? How long had he been in space?

Pidge looked at her brother disappointedly. "I mean. Have you seen him in his Blade outfit? He's ten times more bishie than your average anime bishie, and he's not even the Japanese one!"

"Blade outfit?"

She sighed, deciding to skip the boring explanation. "Back to Princess Perfect, I'm 99% sure her accent is fake, I've met British people before. Apart from that, she's actually a _sly witch with a capital B_."

Matt widened his eyes, "Seriously?!"

"Yup. She made me put on a _dress_ – she said it was for PR and the cause and stuff so I agreed – and then she even gave me a full-on makeover. I LOOKED LIKE A FRIGGIN BARBIE DOLL."

Matt cringed: his sister was the total opposite of a Barbie girl, even looking at one made her pissed. One time at a supermarket they were walking down the toys aisle, Pidge just 9 years old, and she suddenly stopped to glare at the Barbie girls on the shelf. She bloody punched one of 'em, and guess what? _They had to buy it because of the damage._ The bright side was that she could go home and throw it in the grinder, which she did with _much_ sadistic glee.

Pidge seemed to be too pissed to carry on about Allura, so she moved on. "Then there's our Space Uncle, Coran the Gorgeous Man. Most of the time I have no clue what he's saying, but he's a great dude, if not a bit extra. Like, _too_ extra. He's definitely stuck in the Altean Age. Also, never eat his food – not even Allura eats that stuff."

"And now come the furries. I'm not sure if you rebels know about this, but the lions are actually lionesses."

Matt gave her a Lance look, questioning with a smirk, "Did you say _furries?_ "

She rolled her eyes, opening the door to the lions' bay. The huge room was split into five parts: the first cool and slick, a blue theme clearly covering the bed and walls, far too many clothes squished onto a single clothes rack; the second was split from the blue with a piece of metal, segregating them, and it had a clear red theme, weapons of all kinds hanging from the wall; the third was dark, plain and simple, with just a black bed and chest of drawers adjacent – it wasn't split off either side with a wall like the wall between red and blue; the fourth was green-themed, with plants scattered around so much that some vines were trailing across the wooden bed and furniture; the last was yellow and had a simple, massive cushion. And, of course, each part of the room housed its resident neko.

The blue neko began snarkily, leering at Matt, "Pidge, sweetie, why'd you bring a _guy_ in here? You know this place is girls and Paladins only." Was that… a hiss at the end of her sentence? Matt suddenly gulped, giving himself a mental note to stay away from the sexy blue furry.

"Thanks for volunteering, Azul. This here's our resident Bitch, even though she's a cat. She's totally sexist against guys she doesn't know, but is actually Lance's soul sister, ironically."

"…How?"

"They hit on girls together. At first it was a full-on competition, but now it's a friendly tradition."

Matt just blinked, Azul narrowing her silver eyes at him. She turned away, flicking her blue ponytail sassily. At this, the red neko snickered, "And here the blue lion is meant to be the _friendliest_."

"Well maybe 10,000 years made me a little picky, miss I Had the Worst Paladin So I Stole the Best One," Azul hissed at her and the red furry hissed back, their ears flattening.

Pidge had a bored expression, as if this was normal. "Yeah, if you think Lance and Keith are bad, you'd better see their lions – well, previous lions, now that since Keith left Lance rides with Red and Allura rides with Azul – they are _total divas_ together. Anyways, you can see Bloody Murder over there with the weapons on her wall. She enjoys attacking the Galra _way_ too much, and with Lance at the helm, she's sometimes overdone it. Then again, Keith's pretty emo so there probably ain't much difference."

"Lion _esses_." They both hissed simultaneously.

"Their only thing in common is that they're feminists. And seriously, four syllables? No way, just stick to lions, you two."

The two nekos glanced at each other for a second before each turning away and huffing. At this, the yellow furry drawled sleepily out of her cushion, "You two are sooooo cuuuuute~"

"And this…" Pidge gestured to clearly the most catlike one of them all, laying on her back in the centre of her cushion, arms and legs curled up cutely in the air like cats do. "This is Melyn, the Hunk o' Cuteness. She. Is. Thicc. Her hugs can also rival her Paladin's, but you should always lock her up until everyone else has finished eating or else she'll eat everyone's food. Although, the one time it happened, she looked so cute and innocent that we just had to let her off." Pidge, the master of acting like she didn't like cute things even though she did, was smiling dreamily as she watched Melyn roll around in her cushion, purring.

Matt whispered, "Damn. She really is a neko."

"She also openly ships everyone, so be prepared for her to start shipping you with Shiro."

Matt, if he'd been drinking, would've spat out his drink at that. I mean, not that he hadn't thought of it before (Seriously, who _hasn't?_ This is _Shiro_ we're talking about!) but he was pretty sure he was straight and that girls were for life – who could blame Azul for loving girls?

Suddenly Pidge was embraced in vines and leaves that suddenly sprouted into flowers as a green furry hopped-skipped-and-jumped over to where her Paladin was.

"Pidge! Matt!" She squealed and suddenly Matt found himself wrapped up in vines too. "I am so SO happy that you found each other!" She gasped, her deep pink eyes sparkling. "We should have a party! We can invite everyone! Even the half-breed!"

"Verde, please stop calling Keith that, it's super offensive and I think Red's about to slice you in half. Also, can you get these vines off us?"

"Oh, right, I'm so sorry, Pidge!" She then proceeded to fall into a frenzied string of apologies that came out rapid fire from her mouth, at which Red and Pidge couldn't even argue anymore. The vines slowly dissipated and Matt felt just as confused as you readers probably are.

Pidge explained, "Miss Muttering Apologies here has the most magic capabilities of the lions, so when she gets excited – which is a _lot_ of the time – her powers go a little crazy and plants start appearing everywhere. But hey, now that I have her, to go outside and get fresh air I can just stay inside!"

Matt raised a brow: his sister hadn't changed one bit. It's pretty ironic that she, tech otaku introvert, got the grassy green lion. However, he soon spotted their similarities.

Verde finally looked up to him (she was nearly half his height) with her wide eyes and promised, "Sir Matt, I will do everything in my power to help Pidge find your family, and everything to protect her from the Galra. I swear to you, no harm shall come to her!" Her words were childish and naïve, innocent, yet Matt couldn't help but smile and feel that she would do just all that. This was their connection: both Pidge and Verde were small and the youngest of their groups, but they had the steel confidence of an iron fortress, and great powers in their own respects.

But never mind that, what did this neko say before? "Half-breed"?

"So, sis, who's this 'half-breed'?"

She gulped, not sure if it should be her place to tell Keith's story – she thought at least Shiro should do it, but… Oh, what the hell. "Basically, a few months ago, Keith found out he was part Galra, since his mom left him a blade – a type that only responds to Galra blood. Shiro had this vision about a rebel faction in the Galra, the Blade of Marmora, so…"

"Long story short, Keith went off to join Marmora full-time, which is why he isn't with us right now. To be fair, he was an appalling leader, but as a Paladin, I agree with Red that he's quite capable."

Matt went white: he really had been gone a while. I mean, Keith was gay _and_ half Galra? Next thing he knew Shiro would be a clone!

Pidge smiled a genuine smile, one of respect, her brown eyes sparkling. "And here's the boss – the boss's boss, Kuro. She doesn't speak much, so right now that was a lot of dialogue we usually don't get and you better treasure it, bro. She's kinda the Space Mom, or maybe scary Space Aunt? I'm not sure, but she and Shiro haven't been on the greatest terms lately. She's confiscated his Bayard and every now and then goes on these scary Keith-esc robo-gladiator killing sprees with her katana. Me and Hunk had to piece them back together she broke so many so bad."

Matt stepped back slightly, speculating, "So, if she's Space Dad's Space Mom, does that make her the Scary Space Grandma?"

He heard a low growl from said Space Granny. Instant regret making that comment.

Suddenly, Kuro grinned, her magenta eyes relaxing as she laughed, whacking Matt on the back, "This one's funny!"

Matt laughed awkwardly, Pidge looking up to him. She couldn't help it; she began to laugh crazily too. Looking at his sister like this, Matt felt a wave of pride and overwhelming love. He suddenly wrapped his arms around her and hugged her, picking her up and wiggling her around, making her squeal and giggle like when they were younger. The lions soon crowded round and joined the hugging session – even Azul and Red.

"I missed you, Matt."

"You too, Pidge."

* * *

 **A/N HAHA I ACTUALLY FINISHED A CHAPTER FOR ONCE! Ok this one was quite fun, hope you understood the rough characters of the lions – I'll describe them in more detail throughout, hopefully. Awwww we need more of the Holts they're too adorable. Also, I wanted to do some Shiro and Keith jokes but I could only fit in a few since, y'know, Matt already knows them so there's no point in Pidge's A* descriptions. I know Keith isn't canonically gay but imo he's gay, fight me. I will have a full on debate with you and win. (jk plz don't)**

 **BUT SERIOUSLY I NEED SEASON 6 RIGHT NOW COME ONNNN**


	2. Pink and Blue

**A/N idk I have a lot of ideas, but not many complete ones? So I'll give a few spin-offs a try. God, I thought I'd love Red the most when I first designed and thought of her, but I'm loving Azul more and more… Also, the kissing is what's needed to form the initial bond with a lion – it's not necessarily romantic or anything, so calm your shit when I get to that part.**

* * *

Pink and Blue

 ** _Set during Season 3 and all the lion swaps_**

"Blue, why won't you let me in?" Lance whined at his lion, who sat back in her chair, filing her claws (sharpening not dulling), barely looking over at her once-partner-in-crime.

She groaned back, "I dunno, I just… I ain't feelin' this no more. Sorry, Lancey, but we're done. It's like, when you're BFFs with someone one year, but the next you sorta lose touch, y'know? I just feel like if we try bonding the transformation isn't gonna work and…" She finally looked at her Paladin, worry clear in her charcoal eyes. "I'm sorry, Lance. I don't want you to feel disappointed, so…"

"So you won't even let me try." He looked pained and a pang of guilt pierced Azul's heart, even though she knew this was for the best. Her thoughts subconsciously passed over to Lance, who looked up, grinning his usual grin. He laughed it off, "Well, you are thousands of years older than me, so I suppose you'd know best, right, Blue?"

She grinned back, revealing bright fangs, but inside she silently pleaded that he'd be alright without her.

-o-O-o-

It became apparent that all the lions would be needed if they were to confront Lotor, and Allura could feel Azul pulling her towards her. Her cerulean gaze met silver and Allura nodded at the lioness.

Azul cheekily whispered a warning, "Excuse me if I step my bounds, princess, but you are a prime specimen of beauty and courage in that pink armour, so I might get a little heated whilst we're together in this relationship." She waggled her brows and Allura nearly laughed at how similar she and Lance were.

Allura braced herself, taking a deep breath. She'd never done this sort of thing before, but if Pidge could do it with Verde, she shouldn't have any problem. She opened her eyes to make eye contact with Azul. "I'm ready, let's do this."

Azul's dark hands placed gently on Allura's arms as they leaned into each other. With the touch of their lips, Allura felt a spark of Quintessence and when she opened her eyes her lips were on the wide nose of the blue lion – yet it still felt warm.

Azul's voice boomed clearly in her mind through their newfound bond: _So, princess, whatcha waitin' for? Hop in for a_ _ride~_

She rolled her eyes. Definitely Lance's soul sister.

"You better stop that or I'm calling you Lance 2.0,"

"Wouldn't that be really awkward to shout in battle?"

"Err, never mind then."

-o-O-o-

The plan was failing and everyone's high hopes for Black Paladin Keith came crashing to the ground. See, this is why we should've had Black Paladin Lance, people. Meanwhile, Allura had found that controlling Azul was a lot harder than expected. She knew she could be bitchy, but they were both girls, that couldn't be the problem, right? That was when Azul suddenly screamed into the princess's mind as she shut down.

 _WHAT THE HELL, PRINCESS?! YOU'RE WORSE THAN A MAN PILOT. WORSE THAN EMO BOY. YOU HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME OR MY ABILITIES, SO YOU CAN GO DIE._

 _'_ _So you can go die'_

Allura coughed, not sure if she'd heard correct. "Excuse me?" She asked sarcastically with a raise of her brows. She breathed in, starting to feel a little pissed off, "I am the princess of Altea, my people made you and all you can do in return is leave me to die – not just me, but my friends too?"

No response.

Allura's eye twitched and she hit the panel, "You will stop this nonsense right now, Lady Azul, or there will be consequences! I'll… I'll…" She couldn't do anything to a _lion of Voltron_ , idiot. Allura didn't need to hear Azul to hear the ridicule. She felt ridiculous: that outburst was uncalled for and unladylike. She sighed, thinking to herself: _What would Lance do…?_

She coughed, perking herself up. Resting an elbow on the control panel, she leaned over into Azul and smirked, commenting flirtatiously, "So, Azul, that kiss earlier? _Seriously_ activated my particle barrier, girl. Just thinking about it makes me…" she trailed off, glowing red. She couldn't do this with a straight face – how the hell did Lance not wanna curl up into a ball after saying these crazy things?

Suddenly, her embarrassment was interrupted by a cackling in her mind. Azul yowled in laughter, _Damn, you're adorable! But so entirely_ _stupid_ _! Can't you see what you need to do, pompous princess perfect?_

Azul's sarcasm combined with alliteration made Allura feel stupid. In fact, she just then realised what she needed to do and _did_ feel stupid. She immediately apologised, "Azul, I'm such an imbecile. I've been trying to force you and command you rather than work _with_ you."

It seemed as if Allura was prepared to go on and make a whole heartfelt speech about how sorry she was, so Azul straight-up halted her _. Duh, princess. Anyways, aren't your friends getting killed by the Lotor Squad right about now?_

Allura gasped, suddenly remembering their dire situation. She thought for a moment and looked back up, smirking with a confident twinkle in her eye.

"Azul, you can use a sonar, can't you?"

 _I thought you'd never ask!_

-o-O-o-

"So, about the whole 'you can go die' thing?"

The mission was barely successful (but it was all worth it for that Keith grin amirite?) but they all made it back in one piece and feeling a deep bond with their new lions – that is, after all, what happens when you escape the clutches of death together. Allura was still a little ticked off about Azul stating she'd leave her to die, and Azul seemed like she'd forgotten she'd ever said that.

"Uh, did I say that?"

Allura's death glare was a hard 'duh, bitch'.

"Oh quiznak, princess, I didn't mean it! I'm a stupid bitch, y'know? I say stupid shit when I'm pissed and I… I'd never leave you to die! I just, I guess I just needed to give you a slap to make you understand, know what I mean?"

Allura giggled at Azul's instant excuses and desperate pleas for mercy, which made the neko blush.

This partnership was gonna be a good one.

-o-O-o-

Meanwhile, Red was eyeing Lance, her yellow slit-eyes sharper than usual. Lance's instinct felt her piercing gaze and he turned slowly and awkwardly, "Uhh, why the staring?"

"Your driving is absolute wank."

Lance didn't quite understand her full meaning, but he could get the gist of it. He grimaced, knowing he and Red wouldn't get on. That is, until her next words.

"I like you. You're well cool." She grinned showing sharp teeth and held out a hand for a high five (Keith had taught her well).

Lance smirked back, taking the high five – but as his hand moved forward, hers dived down out of the way. She yowled in triumph, "Scuba dive, bitch!"

Okay. Maybe Keith had taught her _too_ well.

* * *

 **A/N Ok I lied that last bit made me love Red more again lol. Oh and I forgot to mention Red's meant to have a British accent - but it's more of a normal one than a posh one, like your average London accent. Hey I'm proud of this I focused on different characters than I thought I would! Woohoo! I have quite a few ideas planned, but I don't wanna spoil anything… huehuehue. Also I can forgive Keith for f*cking up that mission bc of his adorable grin at the end, likeohmygoshIthinkIfellinlove but yeah I stan all of the characters they're what make me love the show~**


	3. Bonding with Kuro

**A/N So… another one? Idk whilst I have writing power and ideas I feel like I should barf these ideas onto here quickly. Actually I may be running out of ideas so some suggestions might be helpful (especially if you want a certain ship with some fluff that can involve my lionesses' interference~) but yeah here's some Space Daddy bc I've wrote literally nothing of him so far rip (If this turns out really bad it's because I can't write action scenes help me)**

* * *

Bonding Time: Shiro Edition

 ** _Set during that part in like S2 I think when Shiro needed to bond with his lion and did all that fighting with Zarkon in the Astral Plane and shiz and the fandom wuz like 'let him rest!' and now he's been restin for three seasons so we're like 'bring him back! Ain't no restin now bish!'_**

You see, Shiro was always, ALWAYS a dog person, he had a German Shepherd he grew up with, an old police dog who'd had an injury so was let off early, which Shiro's family adopted. Dogs were cool and fun and obedient and yappy and annoying but _so damn fun_. Cats, on the other hand, were much more of a Keith thing, and if Shiro was being honest, he'd never EVER seen the appeal in cats (*LE GASP*) as all they did was lie around in the sun sleeping, scavenge for food, annoy some birds and dogs and, well, annoy everything, probably even the grass, then do some more sleeping. Clearly, he didn't appreciate the feeling of carrying a little chittens in your arms, so small and soft and furry, or the feeling of accomplishment and worth when a cat chooses to sit on your lap, or even the adorable mewls of their species when they cry for snacks. _Shiro had never even experienced the glorious healing powers of the legendary purr_. Of course, this was probably why Keith and Red were thick as thieves whilst Shiro was still trying to sever Kuro's connection with Zarkon.

He sighed; it was time to face her. The dreaded black lion, rightfully the most intimidating of all the lions. Perhaps her demeanour was a reason as to why he felt it was so hard to bond with her – she acted so cold, giving everything that cold stare that cats do, like all the old memes about cats seeking world domination, but as a lion she should have a nicer side… shouldn't she? Shiro gulped, remembering the time he accidentally knocked the black lion into a wall (hey, even leaders make mistakes) and she hissed – a sound Shiro never imagined would be so horrifying. Other than all this, though, she hadn't actually physically harmed anyone… unless you counted Coran's tales of Ye Olde Paladins, where she'd been rumoured to have slain an entire fleet of space pirates with only the black Bayard.

He shook his head – this was Takashi Shirogane, the man who'd survived Galra prison, the ring, Haggar's torture, facing Zarkon, so he should have no problem bonding with some furry. He didn't brag about these things, but he was quite a lady killer back during his training days at the Garrison. Then again, Kuro didn't seem like the type to appreciate looks. The black lion appreciated leadership and iron will and a strong set of skills and a good sense of understanding. Jesus Christ, she was like his mum or summat. With that revelation in mind, Shiro opened the door into the lions' bay.

"Kuro, may you spare a few minutes?"

She blinked open her purple eyes from her sleep and replied with a curt, "Yes."

Red raised a brow at him, whispering, "Good luck,"

For some reason, that only made him feel more uneasy.

-o-O-o-

They arrived in the training hall. Frankly, Shiro expected to see Keith there, but he was elsewhere, and Shiro felt a little disappointment; he was hoping Keith would give him a few cat facts. He coughed awkwardly, "So, Kuro."

"What, Shiro?" Her response was as dull as his start. Is this, what did Lance call it, a kuudere? Well, the 'dere' was still to be found, and Shiro was determined to find it.

He got straight to the point, "Kuro, I need to bond with you. Zarkon is tracking us through his last bond with you."

At this Kuro narrowed her eyes, "Oh?"

She stepped over to the controls and summoned a katana from the castle. After taking it and gliding her fingers down its edge gracefully, she waved it in Shiro's direction.

She turned to him, usually cool eyes now fiery with passion, "Prove to me you're worthy of being my Paladin."

Shiro narrowed his eyes, nodding, and braced himself to fight. He activated his Galra arm and they both charged at each other. Shiro may be big and strong, but Kuro was nimble and light, and her blade was sharp. She clearly had the advantage, darting around and dodging every attack with ease; Shiro kept up with her, dodging and deflecting her blade as it sliced at him from all angles. At one moment, he grabbed her katana with his energised hand and crushed it, throwing it to the floor. Assuming this had finished the fight, he deactivated his arm and began to walk over to Kuro, but she had other plans. She rugby-tackled him to the ground, twisting him over and around so she had him pinned to the ground, hands behind his back.

The lioness muttered, "Idiot. The battle isn't over until your opponent is down."

Shiro silently cursed; he knew this from fighting in the Galra ring and becoming the Champion, but he thought Kuro would have let him off. For a massive black lion mecha though, she was extremely light. Shiro found that he could throw her off his back with ease, at which she back-flipped over into a crouching position, much like a cat, her tail stuck out behind her. He reactivated his arm, charging back into the fight with a yell. Kuro fought with her claws and fangs, viciously scraping where she could, and he had another revelation: this was a war machine, even in its weakest form. The whole point of this was to see if he could handle the machine without it destroying him, and to do that he'd have to use his brain. He stopped blindly attacking and deflecting and thought more carefully, slowly backing her against the wall. Kuro smirked evilly and sprang up the wall, jumping over so that she was behind him and he was against the wall.

Never mind, plan B this time. He deflected a hand botchily so it scraped his shoulder and Kuro's other claws promptly came sliding through his chest armour and into his skin. Shiro grit his teeth at the pain, but continued – this was all planned. He swiftly lifted his Galra arm and swung it down to hit Kuro's nape and send her unconscious. She stiffened up, then collapsed to the floor. He huffed, gasping for air, very, _very_ glad he was on her side and not on the Galra's.

-o-O-o-

After healing up in the healing pods, Kuro seemed to look at Shiro with a calmer gaze and more respect. She smiled, very slightly. Shiro breathed a big fat sigh of relief – he thought she might try to kill him again for pulling that trick. However, Shiro still felt like he was missing something.

His lion sensed this and coughed, asking shyly, "Umm… There is one more thing I'd really like – I mean, that would help with bonding."

Shiro raised a brow, "Go on."

"Well, Zarkon always used to fuss me, and I'm pretty sure all your other Paladin friends fuss their lions, so…" She felt weird actually _asking_ for a fuss – this wasn't her style. "…If you'd fuss me too?"

Shiro blinked.

 _What_.

He'd never even fussed a _normal_ cat in his life ever before!

Thankfully, Keith just happened to hear their conversation. He raised a brow at Shiro from the doorway and gave him one of those smug Keith looks, at which Shiro gave him one of those unimpressed Shiro looks.

Keith chuckled, "It's easy, Shiro. Just pat her head, tickle her ears, and tickle her chin. Sometimes they like back rubs too – but don't fuss too hard, you have to be light." He spoke like a frickin cat expert who'd written a book and all. Hell, Lance would bet he _had_ written a book. Shiro needed that book.

The mission was a success: after fussing, their bonding was complete.

It _totally_ didn't take a full-on fight with Zarkon in the Astral Plane and Kuro coming to the rescue.

* * *

 **A/N OH MY GOD THAT TURNED OUT BETTER THAN EXPECTED HOLY SHIT. Idk tho I feel like I should be more funny and less serious, but my next one is kinda meant to be serious… oh well. I have a few light-hearted ones planned, so it should be** _ **fine**_ **. Your opinions are always appreciated!**


	4. Tough Loving

**A/N HALLELUJAH MY EXAMS ARE DONE. The only bad thing is that when S6 comes out I have a school trip and a piano lesson for some reason so I can't binge it straight away rip meeee. If it's not at least 6 episodes imma write a letter cos I need at least 2 hours of the good stuff mate (jk I won't write a letter I am NOT that type of fan) Speaking of** ** _those_** **types of fans, this one's probably a little Klance fluffiness, but nothing super shippy idk but it's mainly cute and would have** ** _definitely_** **happened if the lionesses existed. Suggest moi a ship and I shall try to improvise.**

* * *

Tough Loving

 ** _Set after Keith comes back late and is replaced by (Kuron) Shiro and he comes back to check on Red for a second, in between S4-5 ish_**

"So... this is kinda… creepy?" Lance bit his lip and fidgeted on the spot.

Keith glared back at him, looking fairly intimidating with his hood up and his Blade armour equipped.

He growled, "You know exactly what this is about, Lance."

Lance scratched the back of his head because he really didn't. All of a sudden Keith shows up after who knows how long and demands to see Lance and have a private conversation. He was clearly fuming, as he usually was in general and especially at Lance, but for him to skip a few missions and to come all the way to the Castle? Keith must be _absolute pissed_.

The worst part was that Lance had no bloody clue what he'd done. _It's always something with this guy_ , he thought grumpily.

Keith groaned, rolling his eyes, "Lance, you idiot. I only came back because a few other Blades told me about _what you were doing with Red_."

He stressed his concerns and Lance just felt even more confused – Red wasn't his type! Sure, he'd hit on her, but it only got a crazy cackle and slap on the back in response, and Red was the sort of girl you'd hang out and do rebel shit with, like un-organising all of Pidge's files and watch her reorganise them in agony – not like _he'd_ done that with her, obviously. Totally not.

Lance's train of thought was thrown off its tracks when Keith full on kabe-donned him, speaking threateningly, "If you try anything like that in _my lion_ again, I swear I'll take her with me to the Blade and we can go kill some Galra together."

 _Ohhhhhh_ , he was talking about _that_ time.

Basically, they were fighting and yadda yadda but, you see, Red was a bloodthirsty lass and started blowing up ships everywhere, so many that they were starting to affect the other lions – Hunk even threw up again and he hadn't done that in ages! Lance did try to hold her back, but they got into a bit of a debate, during which they didn't realise the ion cannon being pointed towards them. Long story short, they were both in healing pods for vargas.

Lance laughed awkwardly, "Ah, that? Haha, we were just a little caught up and neither of us saw the cannon and…" Keith's violet eyes were staring ever closer into his soul and Lance felt their noses pressed together. He grumbled, pushing Keith away from him, "Geez, stop glaring at me!"

"I glare at everything."

"Eh, got that right. But anyways, I'm _sorry!_ Red forgave me! We're all a happy family again!"

"No, we're not." Keith then proceeded to take a piece of folded-up paper from his bag and hand it to Lance. When Lance unfolded it the paper seemed never-ending. Keith poked him in the chest and growled again, "You _will follow_ these rules so that you give Red the respect she _deserves_."

Lance knitted his brows, "What are you, her mom? I don't need to follow all of these! I mean, 'always fuss her in the mornings and never in the night' – what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It _means_ that she likes being fussed in the mornings, but at night she finds it _annoying!_ "

(To be fair, that would explain her purring that sounded strangely like growling the other night when he was stroking Red's hair.)

This was ridiculous. Lance couldn't put up with this emo crap anymore, "All right, _Mrs Red_ , I get that you're worried about her and all, but listen here, Mullet, Red is a _hell of a lot more_ concerned about _you_ for that stunt you pulled during our big mission!"

Keith blinked, stepping back. Stunt? Was Lance referring to…?

Lance sighed, glaring at him, "You know, that was just plain stupid, even for you. Sacrificing yourself doesn't fix things, and what if you crashing your ship hadn't even destroyed the barrier? What then, huh?" By this time he was yelling, "You can't just have all these thoughts and not tell anyone about them, Keith!"

The former red Paladin felt his chest tighten; of course he knew it was stupid, but what else was he supposed to do, sit around and watch everyone die? He opened his mouth to defend himself, but no words came out. Keith needed this to come from someone – someone to tell him 'no', but he just never thought it'd be Lance, of all people.

They looked away from each other for a few ticks, both contemplating whether they should speak first.

Lance made that decision. "Look, Keith… Red was seriously stressed. She couldn't transform, she was so caught up with you, and when I finally asked she explained everything. You two still have a connection, you know? All your thoughts from that moment were flooding her mind and she had to tell it to _someone_ …" Keith remained in silence, listening carefully to make sure he wouldn't say anything rash in response as he normally would. Lance continued, "If… If you ever need to talk, you can always come to me."

When Lance placed a hand on his shoulder, Keith looked up, blushing slightly. _Just_ Lance?

Lance grinned and the light reflecting from his teeth nearly blinded the mullet boy, "Don't worry, man, me and Red kept this a secret so as not to interfere with your emo ninja work."

Keith responded sarcastically, "And I didn't want to tell _you_ so as not to interfere with your harem-making work. How's that going, by the way?" Aaaaand he said something rash.

Lance's expression fell and Keith dusted his hand off his shoulder. He wasn't sure if he was angry that Lance knew or that he hadn't told anyone – in fact, he may have been angry just because it was _Lance_ that was offering salvation. _Lance friggin' McClain_. He turned and began to exit, but Lance called him back. He decided reluctantly to give him once last chance before he left, probably for good this time.

Lance sent a hand flying and bitch-slapped the _shit_ out of Keith.

"You are a FUCKING MORON. Can't you just, I don't know, _take the help?_ Please oh PLEASE would you calm your shit just once? ONCE?! You nearly committed fucking _suicide_. That's not something everyone has to deal with, and I'm just trying to make sure I don't become one of the Reasons Why, but you're dead set on making _me_ the bad guy! What have I _ever done_ to piss you off so much?"

At Lance's outburst, Keith was shocked, amazed and scared. Wait, did Lance just reference 13 Reasons Why? And imply he was becoming that annoying bitch that killed herself? God he HATED that series, but that was all the more reason he needed that bitch slap. Lance had grown in the past few months without him and was actually trying to _help_ , but he'd been simply dismissing him. He also made a good point: why _was_ Keith always so pissed at Lance? Quiznak, the ancient Alteans of Oriande probably didn't know.

Keith felt his eyes watering and he cried back, "I _know_ , Lance! I know! I just… I'm not good at dealing with all…" He waved his hands in the air infuriatedly, searching for the right word and never finding it, "this!"

Lance's expression softened again, "Exactly. That's why you need to stop being afraid of help – you can't do _everything_ by yourself, no matter how amazing you are. We've all got issues and we need to lean on each other to get through them." He gave a warm smile at which Keith looked away.

He felt a hug dangerously close and raised a brow, "You're not gonna hug me, are you?"

The brunette grinned, holding his hands out like claws, "Now that you mention it~"

Suddenly, the door was burst open by a certain redhead – Lance used this distraction to smother Keith with a hug/stranglehold. Red, however, had other plans.

Her face was shadowed by her fringe and her yellow eyes glowed ominously, her lips curled in a slight snarl. She stomped over to her former Paladin, arm raised and ready to strike.

SLAP!

Great. Now Keith had _two_ red marks that the other Blades would surely torture him about.

Lance held out a hand to calm his kitty, "Whoa girl, I already did that and gave him a good yellin' at. You can chill." Keith felt super awkward in Lance's arms, being shielded from the burning red lioness.

As if in an anime, Red's fiery aura flared to life, sending a wave of heat over the pair of boys. Not 'avin any o' this, she ignored Lance's attempts to pacify her and unleashed her wrath upon the half-Galra boy, who seemed to shrink deeper and deeper into Lance's arms (not to either of their bother, if you know what I mean).

Needless to say though, the day ended in yet more hugs. For a guy who usually doesn't like hugs, Keith sure got a lot of them, and from these guys? Every hug was treasured.

* * *

 **A/N hnnnnnnn idk if this was good or not it kinda turned into angst and, personally, I'm not a huge fan of angst… Although, I did try to add in a few funny comments here and there, but ehhhh. Damn I forgot I was gonna put a Dirty Laundry reference in, but I can save that for a funnier one in future. The next one is DEFINITELY gonna be fun. This one was cute, I suppose. Also, a kabe-don is that famous Japanese meme of someone slamming a hand on the wall to corner their love interest (or whatever, it can be anyone really). Just search it up and you'll see (** **it's actually really hot tho)**


	5. Lotura's a Thing Now?

**A/N ok I have way too many Blue Team ideas. I decided to do this one first, since I haven't had any Lotor yet! This one is Lotura, but kinda dissing Lotura? Idk I'm ok with Lotura personally, so I'll try to keep it pro-Lotura overall. (I'm fairly neutral with all Allura ships) Also, you can probably tell** ** _exactly_** **what this is inspired by.**

* * *

So Lotura's a Thing Now?

 ** _Set in S5 after the Oriande mission thing where in this story Allura and Lotor had a moment, so are now a kinda thing idk_**

Lance was eyeing a certain pair of non-humans interacting very intimately. He grimaced at every look the white-haired prince gave to Allura – those looks were just so… Ugh! It was as if Allura was such a piece of art (which she was) but also that she was _his_ , no one else's. Like, who does this jackass think he is? _What the actual quiznak?_ The way he flicked his hair and acted all cool and protagonist-esc made Lance feel nauseous, as this guy was _definitely_ manipulating Allura. Damn, Allura was gullible, the whole team knew, but specifically taking advantage of her _romantically_ , even? This half-breed was a complete and utter _dick_.

Lance didn't even realised he'd been saying all this out loud. His former partner purred in agreement, "Hail Alfor to that. Man, this girl is brainwashed. Look at this dude, ain't he gay?"

Lance hummed in thought, picturing Lotor and his suave English accent in his mind – at which he shuddered. He sang back to Azul, "Gay or European? It's hard to guarantee."

"Bitch he's from space."

" _Exactly._ "

At this, Lotor glanced over in their direction, as if he'd heard them. Well shit, the blue pair fled immediately to another room far away from the probably-couple. They eventually slowed down, arriving near Pidge's room. Azul knocked on the door and when Pidge opened it, she leant against the wall, fangs bare in a flirtatious smirk.

She purred, "So, Katie, you mind at all if we crash here and bitch about Lotura for a while?"

Unimpressed, Pidge grumbled back, "I'd mind very much, and I want you to call me _Pidge_."

"Will you let us in if I call you Pidge?"

The midget pushed up her glasses (with her middle finger, might I add) and promptly shut the door. The lioness turned to the Paladin, who shrugged.

"We could always just sit out here?" Lance looked around, seeing no one in the corridor. He flopped onto the floor, sighing, before having a sudden thought. "Hey… Blue, how are we gonna make fun of the prince if he's not there to be made fun of?"

She clicked her fingers and pointed them at Lance dramatically, saying " _Telepathy_ " as if that solved anything. Lance raised a brow, his eyes wide and circular. Azul groaned, "Why are guys so dumb?"

Through her door, Pidge mumbled an agreement, "Don't even _bother_ asking."

Lance snapped back at the two sassy girls, "Hey! I thought we were meant to be taking the piss outta Mr Daddy Issues?"

"Sorry, Lancey, I'll get right on it." And through her bond with Allura, she could tell every single detail of what was happening: how Lotor made the occasional touching of their hands and shoulders, how she giggled back, how his annoyingly handsome face would lean in closer to the princess when he spoke to her… If not for Azul's sarcastically incredulous descriptions, they'd have both needed buckets to barf in.

"Here comes the hair flick, and can I just say, mine are _way_ better, and _oh my god_ he's stroking his fingers through her hair like 'ooh princess how charming these luscious locks are faafafaa' well duh bitch she's Altean, and they are born with _naturally epic hair._ I mean, damn, even Coran's moustache is smoother than my ponytail!"

Lance added in a quick "Because they're _worth it_ ," which Azul didn't fully understand, but giggled anyway, continuing with her report.

"Oh, he just asked her this: 'how would you like to take a look around my ship' insert eyebrow wiggle here." Lance acted it out and Azul cackled, so loud that Pidge yelled for her to shut up. She continued, eager to spread some gossip. "Guess what she replied with?"

He leaned in closer, eyes sparkling with curiosity, "Enlighten me, o Blue One."

"I shall. So, basically, Allura replied back with a big fat 'I don't think that would be necessary' and Lotor made a face oh so desperate for that Altean booty, but Allura was not having ANY OF IT!"

They both burst into laughter, Lance cooing back, "'That wouldn't be necessary', more like 'I ain't falling for your dirty ass, especially the kind that _killed my entire species_.'"

Azul yowled in hysterics, finally letting out another sick burn, "I mean, what does he think she is, a _half-breed?_ "

Lance's jaw dropped at that offensive comment, clearly jabbing at Lotor's harem of half-breed generals, yelling "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

(but seriously what was up with that, I love the new girl additions, but him and all of them? I was like 'I thought this show was for kids but then they bring up a legit harem wtf?')

Even Pidge could be heard giggling at that.

All of a sudden, however, Azul's expression steeled. She looked shocked, confused _and_ pissed. Lance tapped her shoulder to ask if she was alright, but he got no response. What in space had just happened to shut up Gossip Girl over here?

-o-O-o-

"Hunk, be chill, Lotura is _happening_ – and pass the space cookies." Hunk gave Melyn a confused look as Lotor and Allura walked into the room, he did pass her the space cookies of course.

"I don't think that would be necessary, Lotor, although I do appreciate the offer. I just think we've been around together a lot recently and we should get back to the others." Allura stroked one of her snowy strands behind her ear, blushing at the prince. He looked slightly disappointed, but didn't push her any further.

The couple barely seemed to notice the Yellow pair watching them awkwardly. Melyn was grinning wildly at them, mumbling about how pretty much all the other Allura ships were dead by this point anyway, whilst Hunk was just confused. (my poor boi)

Lotor halted and Allura stopped with him; he informed her formally, "Well, princess, I believe it is time for us to separate – but never fear, it's only to other sides of the Castle."

She giggled and Lotor took her hand, raising it to his lips before gently kissing it. Hunk and Melyn dropped their space cookies.

Allura smiled mischievously, "Lotor, you don't need to kiss my _hand_." She whispered the next part seductively, "You can kiss me _properly_."

The prince grinned back, taking up her offer, "Your wish is my command, princess."

As the pair united in a kiss, Hunk's jaw dropped to the ground as he went white whilst Melyn whipped out her camera.

Across the Castle, a painful shrieking could be heard coming from a certain lioness…

-o-O-o-

Lance was white with defeat. Lotor fucking kissed Allura, _and_ _she asked him to_. Maybe he could've bear it if Lotor had just kissed her and the feelings weren't returned, but Allura practically begged (well, ordered) him to do it!

"Excuse me, _what?_ "

Azul was just as heartbroken, but more depressed than furious like Lance was. "I just… I don't understand? What?" She pulled her ears in frustration, growling and tail flicking nervously.

Pidge suddenly flung her door open after eavesdropping on the news. "WHAT THE QUIZNAK DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

The three were in shocked silence for a few ticks before deciding they really needed to do something. I mean, Lotor and Allura take a trip to Altean Asgard _once_ and they come back in a relationship?!

That was when Lance had an idea. (oh god not another one)

"Pidge, you still have that alien iPod?"

"Well, actually, it's a smuggled device that just happens to have Earth songs on it and is really valuable since the songs are fairly recent too, and its technical name is a Flumingraffer."

Lance blinked at all the information spewing out of Pidge's mouth, asking, "Who the hell comes up with these names? Anyways, can we borrow it? I have a plan." He wagged his eyebrows as he said "plan" and flashed them a blinding grin.

Pidge and Azul gave each other a knowing look of you-know-what-this-means-sis and rolled their eyes, but Pidge did agree to his request.

-o-O-o-

Lotor and Allura proceeded to walk together through the Castle, holding hands, until a message was broadcast across the entire ship telling them, specifically, to return to the command centre. Assuming something was wrong, the couple rushed to the front of the ship, only to find something quite… let's say _interesting_.

Lance and Azul were standing in the centre of the room, where Allura usually pilots, as if on stage. Pidge was in her chair to the side, awaiting orders. Lance raised his arm in the air and yelled, "Hit it, Pidge!"

Broadcast throughout the room was a very certain song that you've probably heard. The saxophone tune began and the blue pair began to wag their hips to the music, before turning to face the couple as the lyrics began. Of course Azul could sing pretty well, but goddammit Lance's singing voice was _eargasmic_. Allura half expected it whereas Lotor was taken aback by those exquisite vocal chords, no matter how offensive the actual lyrics were towards him.

As the chorus came on, Lance and Azul began belting the words, their actions matching the lyrics.

"DON'T KISS THAT HOE HE NASTY,  
ALMOST PUT ONE PAST ME,  
GOT MY HOMEGIRL LAST WEEK,  
NASTY!  
NASTY!"

Their harmonies were pretty good, actually. Lotor couldn't help but be impressed. Unfortunately, their serenading was cut short by a certain (clone) black Paladin.

His dark eyes glared at the blue pair, his voice stern and intimidating, " _Lance_. Would you care to explain what's going on in here?"

He narrowed his eyes back, " _Shiro_. I was just having some _fun_ , not like you know what that means anymore." No matter what his leader had confided in him, it gave Shiro no reason to always be so picky with him. Shiro had gone from #1 Space Dad to Ultimate Scary Mom in literally no time at all, and everyone was pretty pissed about it (although they tried not to show it as to not mess up any missions). Lance was almost glad Keith had left so he didn't have to witness the person he looked up to turn into such a monster.

But anyways, enough about that!

Lance was basically grounded apart from going on missions (yes that's how much of a Scary Space Mom Shiro now was) and Azul had to have a good talking to by Allura; Pidge got away with everything since she's too epic to be grounded, and Lotor? He just wanted an excuse to make Lance sing at him again.

* * *

 **A/N HOLY HELL THAT WAS A LOT LONGER THAN EXPECTED. This was inspired by Ordinary Dreamer's animatic 'season 5 looks great' which is just too good like AHH. Also tho, Lance's VA is so good at singing like when I first heard him I was like 'I WASN'T READY' but please,** ** _please_** **give us a musical episode sometime. I mean, all of them can sing and stuff, so why not? I know we're getting a DnD ep this season, and I'd actually send a love letter to Dreamworks if Keith is a princess. Hell, imma do it anyway cos Lance is a FURRY LIKE _WHAT_. **

**Kmn before this season does**


	6. Fix You

**A/N S6 was pretty much Voltron: Infinity War. Coley's video got me over it… slightly… (Welp, now it's time to dive back into being HeroAca trash!)  
I was writing a more light-hearted one before S6, but I didn't finish it, so I think I'll do a new one based off S6 before that one. Honestly, they did Lance wrong this season, they just made him pine for Allura the entire thing! Hopefully S7 will be his true arc, as it's to do with Earth. **

**(Also all the ships are kinda non-existent at this point in the series… RIP)**

 **Is this Langst? I think this is Langst. Also heavy S6 spoilers.**

* * *

Fix You

 ** _Set in S6 after the mission where Lance sacrifices himself_**

Allura was gazing at a certain space prince, oblivious to the weight of the events that had occurred during their mission. There was an accident in which Lance pushed her out of the way and actually _died_. Of course, Allura had used her powers (ahem, plot armour) to revive him, so all was good and right, in her naïve opinion. Clearly, Lance's Lioness had much, _much_ different opinions.

Allura's cute little laugh at one of Lotor's comments was cut off when the doors to their working area were flung open.

Lotor began, "Excuse me, but no one is allowed to enter without permission-"

"Oh stuff that wank up yer bloody arse, purple freak, I'm here to slap some sense into your dumb girlfriend over here."

Red stormed through the tables of equipment, tossing them aside in her rage as she stomped up to Allura. She grabbed her suit and pulled her in, a low growl escaping her mouth.

Allura had to admit, Red was frightening at such a close distance, her deadly fangs just millimetres away from her face. She nodded silently and Red dragged her away from Lotor and to a much more private area.

Red stood, hands on her hips, looking down at Allura. Many, many years ago, Red had been her father's Lioness, and as such she was like an older sister. An older, scarier sister, who had punished Allura before for doing silly things. But this time it wasn't just a 'silly thing' – it was downright disappointing. Allura had an idea of what she'd done, she wasn't stupid.

"I just can't believe you. Just because you can revive people at will using the miracles of Quintessence and whatnot doesn't all of a sudden mean that Lance dying didn't even happen. His life force _vanished_ ," She snapped her fingers to demonstrate, Allura fixated on some spot on the ground. "Lance _fucking died_ because he loves you, and you won't even give him the courtesy of rejecting him like a mature woman would."

"I just- I haven't had time. We-"

Red punched a hand into the wall, the material cracking and bending under the force. Her golden eyes sparked with anger as she yelled, " _What do you even mean, you haven't got bloody time!_ You've got all the time in the galaxy – the _universe!_ Lotor's happily the Galran emperor, we outnumber Sendak's forces, Haggar can barely do anything you can't do, and what's more you're about to unite the bloody resistance and Lotor's empire, you're practically married already." Allura bit her lip, flinching at Red's harsh words. Azul had made the exact same point – Lotor was pushing for time even though they already had the high ground.

Red stopped and they remained in silence for a good few moments. Finally, Allura lifted her head, bright blue eyes glazed with regret.

"I'm so sorry, Red… I promise you that I'll fix this."

Red grunted, clearly unsatisfied. "Apologise to the right bleeding person, would you?" and prowled away, tail swishing with irritation.

The princess sighed: a telling off was deserved, and she was actually expecting something much worse. Now it was time to get fixing.

-o-O-o-

Azul cradled Lance in her arms, patiently listening to him ramble on about how amazing Allura was and unleash all his feelings of unrequited love into the air, which Azul's ears scooped up delightfully. He was hopeless. She hadn't felt like this in such a long time, taking care of a person like the loving Lioness she once was. Well, she also hadn't felt as disappointed in such a long time either – how could her Paladin do this to him? Sweet Allura, a bundle of goodness and purity – she'd always been jealous of how close she and Red were (not that the other Lioness knew, of course) but now she was almost glad she didn't have to feel as ashamed as Red must be at Allura's selfish actions.

"-And she's just so… _goddamn beautiful!_ She really is outta this world, no way a photoshopped model could look as stunning as her…"

Azul giggled, though not quite understanding the reference, and stroked her claws softly through his brown locks – they'd grown quite a bit in these past months, soon he'd have a mullet like Keith. She'd have to remember to sort that out later, and cut it better than Shiro's horrible new floof…

She hummed, "You know, there are _plenty_ more stars in the galaxy."

"But _Allura_ …" Lance sighed, "she shines the brightest."

"Sometimes the brightest can be blinding, or even dangerous – what if she's about to go supernova or something? Trust me, it fucking _kills_."

He laughed weakly, trailing off. He turned his head away, but Azul could sense that he was downcast. The team had been leaving him out recently – Red tried to be there for him, but the Lionesses were all fairly busy administrating different rebel factions in their spare time… Azul included. It hit her like a bullet and it wrenched her gut with regret: Keith was the one Lance had spent most of his time with before everything went tits-up after defeating Zarkon for the first time. What she wouldn't give to hear their glorious banter once again.

Lance finally broke the silence, bringing Azul out of her thoughts. "I know you know it too, Blue. Allura's amazing, but she's with that…" He hesitated and Azul didn't need to see his face to know that he had it scrunched in anger, jealousy. "Stupid _prince purple prick_. God, I really want an excuse to blast his face in, but if I did that Allura wouldn't just not like me… She'd probably hate me." He groaned in frustration, suddenly sitting upright. "Argh! I can't take this anymore! I'm just sitting here pining like an idiot!"

At this, Azul raised her brows. Mama Blue was an endangered species in the present day, and it was time for her to be replaced with Sassy Azul. Seizing this opportunity, she taunted her former Paladin, "What do you mean 'like'? Dumbass, you _are_ the biggest idiot in the universe, but that's why we love you. We all do, even that other dumbass Allura, or that annoyingly hot Keith."

Lance turned in shock, "I know right! His hotness is so frickin' annoying! I swear he's the reason my flirting never works."

She wasn't convinced that was the case, but oh well. "Even I, a Lady Lover, must agree: that man is gorgeous. _But!_ Not quite as gorgeous as you." She winked, making Lance blush.

He scratched the back of his head, "You really think I'm _gorgeous?_ "

"Well, for a human, at least. Compared to yours truly, you're _completely_ outdone."

At her obnoxious toothy grin, Lance protested. He hit back with a sly comment about her horrible bubbly blue fringe, at which her rebuttal was about his over the top beauty routines (which she didn't need, a great perk of being a magical cat mecha who doesn't age).

Their banter was cut short when a certain Altean entered the room. Azul bid Lance adieu and slithered away through the back exit, leaving the pair to themselves. Neither dared to make eye contact.

Allura was the first to speak. "Lance… I'm… I honestly don't know what to say," She laughed awkwardly, "I'm so grateful for you saving me and, since I saved you as well, I feel like I've skimmed over the fact that you would've…" She hesitated, but she _needed_ to do this, "died."

Lance remained silent, looking away towards the wall.

In that silence Allura had time to imagine what could've happened, all in those few seconds. What if she hadn't been there to save him? What if it hadn't worked?

Lance would've died. Died as in gone forever.

Forever.

No Lance.

She felt a warm streak fall down her cheek and into her mouth: salty. The tears came down in waves.

"Lance… I- I'm so sorry… I know about your feelings for me, but I… I can't return them the way you want me to. I love you Lance, but like a brother, a best friend whom I can put my utmost trust into-" she hiccupped, and Lance couldn't resist giggling at her adorable little squeak.

At once he stiffened, realising he'd broken his silent treatment. Oh, who was he kidding? Loverboy Lance can't stay depressed forever. He felt his own eyes tearing up.

He half chuckled, half choked, "Allura… I- I completely understand. I know you don't mean anything rude or- or anything like that. I'm just… really happy that we've sorted this whole thing out."

Allura did the same half-laughing, half-crying. She sniffed, holding her arms out in an embrace, "Hugs?"

Lance practically leapt into her arms, "Hugs!"

And in her arms, Lance wept. He wept and wept and let it all out, Allura patting his back, gently shushing him.

(This totally wouldn't become a meme that she'd tease him about in later years, nooooo definitely not…)

* * *

 **A/N idk I feel like Lance just needs to let his emotions out. HE IS SUCH A BRAVE, PURE LIL BOI KEEPING ALL HIS LONELINESS TO HIMSELF AND CONFIDING IN THE** ** _MICE_** **, OF ALL PEOPLE! Damn, I really felt for him. Ahh, I'm not so good at writing feelsy stuff, but I hope this was okay? I added a few lil jokes just so it wasn't all bad, y'know. Sorry if the last one might be a bit uncalled for? I wanted to end it light-hearted.**

 **Also I changed the title to 'Fix You' like the Coldplay song and now I've made myself cry. I've ruined myself.**

 **THIS IS A KIDS' SHOW I WASN'T EXPECTING SO MANY EMOTIONS LIKE UNGH**

 **EPISODE 5.**

 **THAT IS ALL.**


	7. The Quest for Fish

**A/N A lot of trips n stuff are gonna be happening next week so there might be a couple of weeks then with not much stuff? Also before the Green one I feel like I should write a Yellow one since I need to give Hunk more love! But honestly he's the one I'd marry out of all of 'em. The rest I'd just snog (or maybe a bit more… *nudge-nudge, wink-wink*) Here is some fun to clear up the Langst! Also, there's a little bit of Hunay in here.**

* * *

The Quest for Fish

 ** _Set early on – during S2 abouts?_**

Melyn was once again absolutely flabbergasted by her Paladin's godly cooking skills. _How was this guy still single?!_ But what was even more incredible was the fact that Hunk claimed that he could create dishes even more fantastic than the one she was currently eating (glorious mac n' cheese).

"Ah, if only I could find some good meat out here! But I don't wanna kill any space creatures – I don't even know if they'd be edible!"

Melyn daintily replied, still in bliss after her meal, "Ah, don't talk about killing animals near Verde… She'll probably strangle you with vines… But!" A sudden idea brought Melyn back to the real world as she pounced onto her Paladin. "I think I may know where we can get some of the nicest, juiciest, deliciousest, gloriousest food in the universe!"

Hunk gently unhooked her claws from his apron, commenting, "Wow, that is a _lot_ of superlatives – I don't even think some of those exist?"

The Lioness just giggled in response, dragging him off to find something in her area of the Lion Den. The multiple cushions were flung up in the air like confetti as she rummaged around beneath them. Hunk honestly wanted to question a lot of the things that were being flung around, but some things he felt really just… shouldn't be questioned. After a solid two minutes, Melyn found it.

"AHA! Gotcha, little flip-flapper!" And she held in the air a leaflet with various fish pictures plastered upon it. Of course, a cat girl is gonna go crazy for fish.

Melyn proceeded to ramble on about how they can go to this sweet marketplace and get tons of food, though it may be slightly illegal, and there will also be tons of other things to do, and how she and her old Paladin used to go to those sorts of places all the time – but this all seemed too much for the Yellow Paladin.

Hunk sighed, "We have to go that far? Can't we just cook Lance, he's basically a fish."

Melyn went dead silent, blinking confusedly.

"I'm _joking!_ I'm not gonna eat my best friend, I'm not some sort of cannibal!" At Melyn's dead-serious 'oh' of understanding, Hunk went on. "Look, Melyn, I get that it would be amazing to have some proper meat for once, but I am not going to a black market with you – a black market in _space_ , for crying out loud! Sorry, but it's a no, Mel."

He steeled himself, shutting his eyes, bracing himself as best he could for what he knew was coming next: The _Eyes_.

All the Lionesses seemed to have this particular ability, the Eyes. Kuro's magenta eyes were cool and piercing; Red's were bright and yellow like a vicious predator; Azul's were silver and intelligent; Verde's were round and rose-pink, but at the same time scary, as if they were gazing into your soul… And Melyn's? They were by far the _worst_.

Hers were cerulean and clear, lighter than Lance's but deeper than Allura's, and they seemed to glow like stars in the night sky on an open field.

Hunk would resist it. He would not give in to her begging. Not her whimpering mewls, her bright blue eyes, or her adorable expression…

He broke when she rubbed her head against his shoulder like a true cat.

Hunk teared up slightly. "God help me if this goes terribly wrong; _we're getting that goddamn beautiful fish._ "

-o-O-o-

Without the aid of wormholes, the trip would take nearly a full day. Of course, Melyn had plenty of excuses up her sleeve to cover that time anyway. Besides, they were already two vargas of the way through by the time Hunk realised this, so there was no turning back now.

" _We could always say you wanted to go visit your girlfriend_ ,"

Hunk cut her down immediately, "No, I don't even have a girlfriend!"

" _Uh, yes you do. That cute Balmera girl – Shay, was it?_ " Hunk didn't need to see her face to see that irritating smirk of hers, shaped like a 'w'.

He blushed slightly, "She was just a friend! There was nothing romantic!"

" _Ooh, so you're saying the purple lighting lied? Or is she too alien for you? Or maybe_ ," She gasped, " _You don't think she's_ ugly?"

"Hey now, _excuse me!_ You may be thousands of years old, but that doesn't mean you get to say someone's ugly! I'm not racist – or alienist, whatever you call it – and Shay is _certainly_ not ugly! Even if she was, that is in _no way_ a reason not to like them!"

Melyn whistled: he'd gotten quite triggered. " _Welp, guess that's gonna be our excuse then, loverboy!_ "

"HEY!" Hunk's yells of protest were ignored as Melyn didn't respond to him again the rest of the journey, silently planning the quest to find fish – ah, glorious fish…

-o-O-o-

The black market was hidden behind a few distortions, but Melyn gave very specific instructions to Hunk as to how to navigate this area – something that innately frightened Hunk. What had the previous Yellow Team been doing in their spare time? Well, at least there'd be someone to go to if they ever needed any particular parts that didn't involve Coran's crazy haggling skills again…

The market was held within a huge crater of a moon and the people there ranged from half-decent-looking to downright gangster. Hunk felt as if some of these groups were about to have a laser gun fight in the middle of business at any moment, they were giving each other enough glares to piss off Shiro, the God of Patience (unless you're Slav). Miraculously, no fights ever happened, and the pair weaved through the crowd towards the food/animals section.

It looked more like a public execution.

Creatures of all kinds were cooped up in cages, only let out to be killed and prepared fresh for the customers (probably so there couldn't be any meat scandals, like the whole horse meat shebang) but it was too much to watch. Hunk had to avert his eyes. He swore he heard one of the creatures pleading for help – some of these guys were sapient?!

He couldn't take it; he grabbed Melyn and dragged her to a more secluded spot. Once they were out of sight, he blurted out, "What the quiznak, Mel! This is a torture zone! How can you watch this, support this?"

"They're really tasty. Besides, isn't this how you get your own meat? By killing animals. They have quick deaths and they're well-fed so they actually _have_ meat on them. Or are you telling me we should all go vegan and eat space goo the rest of our lives? And whilst you, young sir, may only live another 50 deca-phoebs, I'll probably live another 50,000. So, no."

Melyn's lecture did have a point. Hunk worshipped meat back on Earth, but he'd never seen a live cow or pig being killed, so this was a new experience for him. He shook his head, "Man, let's just get this over with so we can eat some food."

Melyn grinned and adjusted her hood (cat ears were unnatural among space-folk – even among Galra).

Now came the hardest part: actually buying the fish. Every specimen looked fairly big, about half the size of Hunk himself, so he had a feeling they were gonna be pretty expensive. They'd managed to scrounge a couple of thousand slugs together, but would that be enough?

His Lioness, however, was much more of a 'just wing it' kinda gal.

She prowled up to the dealer with confidence, slapping a hand on the counter as she leant over to the alien.

"So, sir, what've we got in today? Some tasty morsels, I hope?"

He seemed unimpressed and replied curtly, "We have Friegners, Outraizes, Cryodens, and a few other things."

'A few other things'? Either the author is being lazy or this guy was super suspicious…

As Hunk thought over this whole scenario (where it always ended badly), Melyn remained unfazed.

"What would you say is the tastiest whilst being the most affordable?"

"Define 'affordable'." He narrowed his green eyes, at which Melyn raised her eyebrows.

She decided to be more specific, "How much for an Epheral?"

"15 thousand slugs."

Hunk went white: he could _feel_ the wound in his wallet. 15,000 for a fucking _fish?!_ Fish isn't even the nicest meat, by far! God, what he'd give for a hamburger at that moment… Meanwhile, the blonde hid her own reaction and kept her poker face. This time it was her eyes that narrowed, and she hissed, "Are you sure about that? I'm fairly certain my other guy can get me one of them for 5 thousand."

"That's ridiculous. 15 thousand is what stands."

Hunk was having serious haggling Coran flashbacks and prayed to the gods that this wouldn't end up being as over the top… Soon he began praying for the tension to just drop already.

It was a full 20 doboshes before Melyn finally cracked the guy, "Alright, mermaid murderer, remind me again how many customers you get on average? Can't be that many if everything's so expensive," When he opened his mouth but never replied, she smirked, " _See?_ Wouldn't it be so much better to take our 2 thousand slugs and be done with it than waste a perfectly edible fish? Yes. Now give us our fish and you get the money."

He seemed reluctant, but not after Melyn rambled on about how he must have a family to feed and whatnot, playing on his heart strings, and Hunk realised that she could be a _horrible person_. I mean, everyone can be, but even this pure bubble of yellow furry goodness? Hunk felt like slapping her across those chubby cheeks, something he rarely feels even towards Azul.

He was honestly considering a lion swap, it got to that point (she'd made him reduce it to just 1 thousand – pure extortion!)

They succeeded in their quest for fish, but at a cost: Hunk no longer felt like he could properly bond with Melyn again. The ride back was mostly silence from Hunk as Melyn rambled on about the gifts of fish.

-o-O-o-

Cue the Mission: Impossible theme tune; it's time for the pair to sneak back into their rooms before everyone wakes up (even though they'd already been gone for a whole day).

Yeah, this part failed epically. Twas more epic of a failing than their first fight against Zarkon, which was quite the epic failing indeed.

Team Voltron were prowling the halls and corridors, so it was barely a minute before Lance found them and embraced his best friend in a huge hug, tears in his eyes. (looking at him now, Melyn could see that he looked a bit like a fish… she had to slurp back her drool at the thought of a fish a huge as Lance… aah, fish…)

The rest of the team reconvened and lots more hugs ensued (even Keith joined in, wow, Melyn would honour and treasure this moment for the rest of her life). Shiro did give them a good telling off, but it ended with yet more hugs. Hugs are just amazing. It was probably a combination of the Yellow Team being the best huggers in the universe, and also Melyn basically feeling up the guys in the process (let's just say it took a while before she finally let go of Shiro). Of course, it was Kuro who gave them the hugest bollocking in the history of bollocking.

" _Where in the cosmos even were you two?!_ "

Hunk failed to react in time; Melyn struck first. "Oh, y'know… just catching up with Hunk's girl, weren't we?"

He went bright red and hid his face in his hands: there was no point arguing with her about these things, and besides, it was a decent alibi to excuse their illegal action.

"We returned bearing gifts! Or rather, a gift."

Lance, Verde and Allura perked up like children on Christmas morning, "A gift?"

Hunk smiled; he guessed the trip was worth it to see their faces when they ate this 'glorious' fish. "Yup. Just wait until lunch." He flashed them a toothy grin paired with a thumbs-up, at which the others gasped at, wondering what this new creation could be.

-o-O-o-

Hunk had to go full-on Shokugeki for a moment to figure out the fish's taste, but it didn't take long for him to cook up a storm – a storm that everyone would want to come to their homes, ironically. Cooking helped him relax and his doubts about Melyn cleared up temporarily.

The result was everything he could've hoped for: everyone in bliss at the delicious taste of space fish and space rice. It brought a few to tears. His Lioness was by far the worst.

She wouldn't stop bawling over it and suddenly a string of apologies escaped her mouth, "WAAAAAAAHHHHH, OH MY THIS IS JUST TOO NIIIIIIIICE! AAAAAA SO SORRRY, SO SORRY…! I HAD TO BE MEAN TO EAT THIS AMAZING FISH, I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE SO HORRIBLE, HUNK! YOU PROBABLY HATE ME FOR BEING MEAN WHEN I WAS HAGGLING, BUT IT WAS ALL A MISTAKE! I'M SO SORRYYYYY WAHAHHHH…!" (holy shit that's too many caps oh well)

Hunk was slightly surprised, but deep down he knew this fluff ball couldn't be so mean unless she needed to. Wow, she must, like, _worship_ fish. How did she resist when they were with all those mermaids? Maybe mermaids aren't tasty?

And then commenced the greatest hug in the history of hugs.

And also another bollocking from Kuro, this time backed up _heavily_ by Shiro. Well, they _did_ go to a black market, after all.

* * *

 **A/N I'm listening to Ai Dee right now and I just burst out 'L TO THE U TO THE K TO THE A' and my cat looked at me like I was a right spaz. I am. Yeah much like the Musical trash hidden in Voltron trash, I am the Vocaloid trash hidden in Voltron trash… So expect a hell of a lot more Vocaloid references. But also, Melyn turned into Happy in this one? I literally could not stop thinking of Happy going 'aaa, sakanaaaa' the entire time writing this (god I used to be such Fairy Tail trash but then I just suddenly lost interest after the Tartarus arc XD)**

 **Also a bollocking is like when you get shitted on, as in told off. I'm sorry I'm so British.**

 **I want to say a huge thanks to you guys for reading this far and reviewing! YOU ALL GET A YELLOW HUG!**


	8. Tree Hugger

**A/N I started this before S6 but never finished it and I'm only just doing that now haha. Well, this is some Green Team nonsense because I had a weird idea. This also took way too long, help.**

 **AND ALSO I REALLY WANTED TO POST THIS AT THE WEEKEND I'M SORRY! I had to prepare for a trip and it just took so long and everything is really stressful at the end of the year – our English teacher is a devil she gave us a whole essay to write FOR THE LAST FRIGGIN WEEK, WHEN WE HAVE A TRIP. AGH. Also, I have a piano exam the week after and MY DOG ATE MY EXAM BOOK. Oh my god it was the most stressful weekend in ages, so I am so sorry for this being so late even though I started it ages ago!**

 **I will continue this as long as I have ideas and I'm in my Voltron phase… which will probably be for another good few months since S7 will probably come out in August like AAAAAAAAAAA**

 **Thanks to everyone for reading my mind-rubbish!**

* * *

Tree-Hugger

 ** _Set between S4-5 when Lotor is in that cell feeding them info and stuff, but this is mainly flashbacks._**

Lotor had had seldom meetings with the infamous Lionesses of Voltron, said to be even more eccentric and even more dangerous than those who piloted them – they were, after all, lions of a sort. Kuro was hard to read, Melyn even more so as no one seemed to know what she was even talking about half the time; Azul was the _sassiest being in existence_ and could murder a man with her acid words, though they were (usually) in defence of her loved ones; Verde acted innocent but the constant wave of Quintessence that escaped her screamed 'danger' – Lotor could feel her power through the thick walls of his cell, which was quite something; and Red… she was by far the scariest. All the horror stories of Galra ships that had been massacred by a scarlet beast, they were about her. Not to mention she'd done all of that _only in the past few months_. However, what scared Lotor most was when he finally met her face-to-face…

And she was _nice_.

"Hiya." She grinned as she walked along the long walkway up to Lotor's cell. "Innit a bit boring up here? Y'know there's literally nothing in that cell, right?"

"I am well aware." Lotor raised a brow, slightly confused. "I thought you were supposed to be a notorious Galra serial killer."

"Y'what, me? Those were mostly sentries!" She cackled, then trailed off. She added uncertainly, a hint of worry in her yellow eyes. "Weren't they?"

Lotor gulped: even _if_ most of them were sentries, that was a bloody ton of destruction for just a Paladin and his lion. He was glad he'd made those comet ships – what would happen if those lions turned on him and he had no counter strategy?

He sighed, "What brings a great Lioness such as yourself here to me?"

She hummed in thought. "I dunno. I was a bit bored. Do you wanna talk to me about stuff?"

Lotor scoffed. Easy bait. "I'm not stupid, I know you're trying to prove that I just want your information, but no. I am completely and totally on-"

"-You're on our side, yeah no shit Sherlock. I mean, there's no point in you going against _us_ , Voltron, with just two puny ships that could actually stand against us - at this point in time, at least."

Lotor's eye twitched and he felt slightly irritated that she could put it so bluntly. Nevertheless, he agreed, "Exactly. So you just wanted to have a conversation with me?" When she nodded exaggeratedly, he asked further, "But why can't you just speak to your teammates?"

"Eh, Azul and Melyn were pissing me off, and plus it's just so boring without my main Keith! I mean, Lance is great and all, but he's a bit too… _nice_." She shrugged, not really knowing what else to say. The prince blinked back, shrugging as well. Why pass up an opportunity for free info?

…Well, it turned out to be more like free _gossip_.

-o-O-o-

"-So then I was like, 'mate, you are 'avin' a _fucking giggle_ ' but Verde was absolutely serious!"

Lotor was still trying to process this latest bit of information. "Excuse me, so you're saying that Verde married a _tree?_ " He paused, mouth agape in shock. "I just… _what?_ "

Red was still in hysterics so drastic that her laughs were silent. Between gasps for air, she nodded. Lotor asked how this even happened, and (once Red had regained her composure) so began story time…

"This whole ship began way back when we first arrived in Olkarion… Ah, the good old days. Anyways, the Olkarii had fused all their technology with the plant life, so of course this was the perfect opportunity for some Green Team bonding!"

-o-O-o-

For Pidge and Verde, Olkarion was like heaven in space (or whatever the Altean equivalent was). The tall trees laden with the advanced programming of their race, the way they could communicate to the wildlife through technology…

Pidge mumbled as she stroked the wire-like marks along a tree, amazed, "Trees and… _technology?!_ "

Verde echoed her Paladin as she ogled the sexy, yet intelligent, curves of the forest, "Technology and _trees_ …!"

Whilst they both had clear preferences between the two, we all know they learned to love _all_ trees and tech by the end of this episode. The real point of this story? The many times when the Paladins returned to Olkarion, in which Verde met _him_ … the one true love of her life.

-o-O-o-

"Is there anything else amazing that I need to see on this planet?!"

Pidge's constant yelling and enthusiasm of her newfound love for tree tech ended up with her being abandoned by her fellow Paladins so that only Kuro and Verde had agreed to accompany her, along with their Olkarion guide. His name was Erome and even he was slightly scared by the green pair's enthusiasm (Verde was also quite into the sight-seeing). Kuro had tagged along to make sure neither of them came back to the Castle with a full-on tree – as Lance had said, it ain't Christmas yet girls.

Erome coughed, "Well, there is one last place I think you'd like that isn't too far from here – it's actually one of our most famous, and most sacred, landmarks."

It only took a couple of vargas to reach their destination: the Great Tree of Olkarion.

All jaws had dropped to the ground as they looked up at that beauty of a tree. Its branches spread out like welcoming arms and its leaves were a bright, lively green, like jade. Glowing green patterns trailed along the bark, similar to the wire-like patterns on the tech trees, but this time a much more vivid green, effervescing with life and power.

Erome finally sputtered, "Wow. It looks even better than before the Galra invaded. I would've thought for sure they would've done something to it, but the Tree must've _known_."

Verde nodded, her eyes watering. "He did. He hid himself in a treacherous forest, but now that all the Galra are gone-"

Pidge added in proudly, "-Thanks to none other than us gals,"

"-He can open himself up to Olkarion once again!" She gasped and began to bawl – the Great Tree was just too great.

In case you were confused, Verde was a plant-whisperer. All parties present were aware of this, so in context it was perfectly normal.

As you can guess, throughout their stays in Olkarion, Verde visited the Great Tree daily, most of the time with Pidge, but sometimes on her own. Pidge had an idea of what was going on and, hey, she wasn't gonna discriminate. Y'all can love whoever you want, according to her, or no one at all, also according to her.

Melyn was the first to catch on, as she was a pro at spotting these kinds of things. Verde was happier, yet even more ditzy, whenever they went to Olkarion. She was especially vulnerable when they weren't even on that planet, but when someone _mentioned_ it – she'd go bright red and start muttering profusely to herself. At first she thought it would've been a plant expert of some sort, but knowing Verde it would someone totally unexpected, but a friggin _tree?_ Even she was stunted by that one. Lance and Azul soon figured it out too, as did Kuro and Hunk. Shiro was a bit dense when it came to these things – he thought Verde just had a weird plant fetish (though he kinda wasn't wrong), and Keith is just bad with emotions. Red thought something was up with her fellow Lioness, but didn't really bother to think what.

What? She didn't have to know _every_ little thing that affected her teammates, that takes _effort!_

The news came one fateful day after they made Olkarion the capital of their alliance. (Did that happen before S5? I can't really remember)

Verde had gathered everyone in the main control room of the Castle, where Keith could see them from a broadcast at the Blade of Marmora's HQ.

She coughed to gain everyone's attention and, when she had it, she made her announcement. She held out her left hand, a clear branch-like vine swirled around her ring finger. "Everyone, I'm getting married!"

"WOOOOO!" Celebrations were made from half of the crowd, whilst the other half was confused. Even some who knew who the lucky 'man' was were still confused, I mean, who'd seriously marry a tree?

Meanwhile, many were simply confused. Such as Keith, who proceeded to have a mental breakdown trying to process this. The poor boy's been away for barely a month and now one of his friends is engaged? *sigh*

"Wait, WHAT?! SINCE WHEN WERE YOU IN A _RELATIONSHIP?!_ I SWEAR TO GOD, NO ONE TELLS ME _ANYTHING!_ "

Azul mumbled, "Well, you were a pretty shitty leader. I didn't really feel like confiding in you."

"Confiding? CONFIDING?! I'M TALKING ABOUT A SIMPLE HEADS-UP, YOU FUCKING DUMBASS!"

Azul raised her brows, half-expecting his response. Shiro, however, was fuming.

"Keith, watch your language, there are children here." He glanced at Pidge, who glared back at him like _oh-no-you-fucking-didn't_.

Keith and Pidge both yelled back at their leader.

"Who the fuck are you, my dad? Captain America? You don't need to tell me to watch my fucking language."

"Fuck you. Call me a child _one more time_ , I _dare_ you."

Red commented at the beef, "Ooh, it's getting heated in here~!" She whispered to Allura, who looked on to the argument in disdain. "I like it."

The princess shook her head, having to full-on shriek at the arguing trio to get them to stop.

" _Alright everyone, calm your_ _ **quiznak**_."

The room went silent.

She took a deep breath. "Pidge, calm down. Shiro didn't mean to offend you. Keith, there's no need to respond like that, so please try to stay calm. And Shiro, perhaps it would be best if you didn't order us around every step we take."

Red pointed out, "What about Azul? She's the one who started all this by taunting Keith." She glared at her opposite, who in fact apologised.

Lance seemed slightly amazed and frightened at the same time. "Wow. For once _I_ wasn't the one to set Keith off. Or anyone, for that matter!"

Hunk tried to remain optimistic, "There's a first time for everything, but more importantly, you all just ruined Verde's big announcement." He scowled at his friends – the equivalent of being disowned by your parents.

Melyn blinked, "Hey, where _is_ Verde?"

Pidge groaned as she turned away from the group, "You're all a bunch of assholes."

-o-O-o-

Pidge found her lion curled up in a mess of vines (that seemed to be spilling out like puddles of tears) – easy to find but not to enter, as was the way of the world. She had to use her Bayard to cut a path through, though she hated having to break off the vines, they sometimes felt like an actual part of Verde. The Lioness was sitting with her knees to her chest, head cradled between her knees. She was sniffling, but when Pidge approached, she swung her head up in hope.

"Pidge! Has everyone calmed down? Are they okay? They all seemed really upset, do you think it was because of me? Oh no, it was because of me, wasn't it? PidgewhatamIgoingtodoeveryonehatesmenowbecauseIkeptthisstupidsecretI'msuchanidiotjustdisownmenow!"

Pidge simply placed a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, consoling her with a gentle voice, "Verde, stop overreacting. Some of us were just a little surprised, no one was angry at you and certainly not upset at what you've done. We're all firm believers in doing whatever you wanna do, and if you wanna do a tree, that's your choice, and I say _you go do that fucking sexy tree_."

Verde took a minute to process her pilot's words before smiling to herself, agreeing with Pidge. She looked back at her and began to speak, but cut herself off.

In her emotional state, she'd wrapped Pidge up in a cocoon of vines. Only her hand was free, and stuck in the position of patting her shoulder.

Verde couldn't help it; she burst into hysterics.

"Uh, haha, very funny, but can you please get me outta here?"

Eventually, she was released (though Verde was still laughing all the way until they returned to the main room) and Pidge decided that if reincarnation existed, she would never accept becoming a caterpillar. She shuddered at the very thought, even butterflies looked creepy… What? They do!

The news became old soon enough and the wedding was held the next week, Keith even managed to get out of his space ninja work for it, and just that was enough to send Verde blossoming with excitement. No literally, she was actually _blossoming_ , there were flowers everywhere!

The ceremony was sweet, although it may have seemed a bit odd at first, seeing a giant tree wrapped up in a tuxedo. Needless to say, Verde looked stunning in her white robes – although they'd been laden with chocolate-brown vines and green leaves that matched her hair, as well as bright pink carnations sprouting and blooming across the trails of her dress. The falling petals, thrown by her maids Azul and Melyn, added to the majestic, almost ethereal atmosphere. You could go so far as to say she was a goddess; as she walked, the ground behind would overflow with life as plants of all shapes and sizes sprung joyously from the ground. Pidge, as maid of honour, couldn't hold back her tears and began to bawl during her speech (hey, she's just a kid, cut her some slack!), although it brought _everyone_ to tears, even the stoic Kuro and Keith.

The actual kiss was… interesting, to say the least. Coran had cued them and Verde promptly fulfilled her role as the team's tree-hugger. The discomforting part was when the tree had opened up as if to swallow her… Of course, this didn't happen, but because of this no one ever questioned what happened that night. Ever. Just… no.

And the bouquet? Well, there ended up being so many flowers that everyone got some form of bouquet. No, that does not mean there will be any harem or orgy, get your mind out of the gutter. Goodness gracious.

-o-O-o-

Lotor blinked, amazed at the whole story. "Wow… that was… longer than I expected?"

"Eh, I ramble." Her eyes glanced over to the side and she suddenly jumped, realising the time. "Ah, quiznak! I was supposed to be back by now!"

Lotor chuckled; for a defender of the universe, she certainly wasn't very attentive. Then again, she was only the lion and not the pilot, so she could get away with it a bit more. He waved her off, "Go on, you don't want to be late – isn't your leader quite the stern one?"

"Oh, no. No, not Kuro. She's a babe. It's Verde who'll freak out – start muttering and trap you in vines – if you're late to a meeting…" She shuddered.

Now Lotor felt slightly safer in his cell, oddly.

* * *

 **A/N AHHHHH THIS WAS TOO LONG. It began with a really weird idea I had 'hey what if Verde liked trees so much she married one lol' but then I imagined her being sucked into a tree after hugging it and I just needed to write this. And the muttering? Well, when I think 'green' my first thought is Deku so that's where the muttering came from! XD**

 **And when she was walking down the aisle I imagined it would be like when Okami walks and flowers just spring from the ground in sparkles.**

 **I'm torn between 2 ideas – either a feelsy one w/ grandpa Shiro or a more upbeat keef one… I'll probably do keef since I just realised I haven't actually had one that's focused on just him yet. Oops.**


	9. Another Mess

**A/N SCHOOL IS OUT! AND I'VE DONE MY PIANO EXAM! WOOOOO!**

 **But yeah I've just been watching creepy mystery videos how did I get to them? It's like the time I found Secrets of Wysteria OH GOD NO-**

 **I changed the story's pic to one I did of the Lionesses, but it's kinda small? I might post it somewhere else later. Anyway, here's more of Red's storytime!**

* * *

Another Mess

 ** _Set back when keef still piloted Red *sighs* ah, the good old days…_**

Red squealed as she eagerly hopped over to her massive collection of weapons and placed a royal purple, stylish dagger onto one of the shelves.

She sighed, a tear forming in her eye, "We got it, Keith. We… WE GOT ZARKON'S ASCENSION DAGGER! WAHOOOOOO!"

As she bounded about the room (too) excitedly, Keith couldn't help but stare in awe at the beautiful murder weapon.

He sighed too, violet eyes gazing longingly into the reflection its blade gave off, "Damn, who even gave this to that evil bastard?"

Red had run out of fuel by now and had rolled daintily over onto her bed, gazing at the dagger just as her Paladin was doing. She whispered nostalgically, "Ah, it was actually a gift from the rest of the Paladins of the time." There was a pause until she finally continued. "Y'know, Zarkon wasn't always such a bad guy. And fuck did he give the bloody best head pats…! He could make Alfor feel like a lil loli."

Keith pondered the idea of an evil emperor such as Zarkon sitting and smiling, petting Kuro as she purred softer than anyone could think possible for such a stern soul. He frowned; it didn't seem possible. Then his thoughts returned to when he had to teach Shiro how to pet Kuro – he picked it up easily, and yet Kuro barely blinked in appreciation.

He shook his head, "Damn, that cat is a pampered princess and a half, ain't she?"

"Eh, I'd say the princess is Azul. But the pompous, bigoted queen? Yeh that's Kuro. I'd still take her over the princess any day though."

Keith raised a brow, asking with a chuckle, "Which princess?"

"Oh, all of 'em apart from Lance. He's adorable."

They both giggled at that; Lance was _definitely_ a princess.

But speaking of the queen, she stepped into the room just at that moment. She looked around before asking, "Has anyone seen Shiro's eyeliner? Apparently it's the last one so he doesn't want to waste it."

Keith answered, "Well, I doubt it would be in the Lions' room…"

At this, Kuro looked Red dead in the eye, who just shrugged innocently. Fortunately for the latter, she avoided interrogation as Kuro's eyes glided over to the dagger that had just been added to the collection on the wall. Her eyes widened and glistened as she gasped.

"Alright, what mess did you two make this time?"

Red replied sharply, "Oh and what makes you _instantly_ think we've done something bad?"

"Because that's Zarkon's royal ascension dagger; you must've had hell to go through before you got it." _And you'll have more hell to go through if you don't explain right now_ , Kuro's piercing glare seemed to say.

The Red pair sweat-dropped; an angry Kuro was not what they needed at this very moment, after a long hard day of destroying Galra ships to retrieve that dagger – okay, so they _did_ make a mess. But oh well! This is the hot-headed loner and the weapon-crazed Galra-killer, that's literally the mathematical formula that creates 'mess' – and Pidge would agree. Very much.

Red held up her arms in defence, "Whoa okay, let me explain?"

Keith nodded, "Yeah, Red's better at explaining than me."

Kuro didn't seem to care, she simply nodded as if for them to get it over with – and so they did. Admittedly, they did so quite cautiously and Red did try to omit a few events, which Keith awkwardly corrected, earning yet more death glares from Kuro.

-o-O-o-

"Soooo… why are we attacking a full Galra fleet again?"

"Well, you were training in hard mode and kicking a hellluva lotta robot arse, so I thought we could put those muscles of yours to good use!"

Keith sighed in his seat as he navigated the cosmos, enemy ships popping up all over his radar ahead. He repeated his question, this time more bluntly, "Yes, but _why?_ "

Red giggled manically (never a good sign) and simply answered: "Oh, you will soon see."

Keith deliberately scraped past an asteroid, at which Red yelped and Keith smirked, "You'd better have a damn good reason for all of this…" and he pounced at the fleet, lasers blasting full power.

It was surprisingly easy to take them by surprise – Keith suspected Red had known they'd be an easy target despite their size. She confirmed this as she let out yowls of victory.

"PISS OFF, Y' PURPLE LITTLE BUGGERS!" She paused, correcting herself. "Err, well, you're not all pruple little buggers, of course, but these guys are! Fools thought they could lower security on the smaller stuff in order to prioritise the search for the lions, but _noooo_ here I am! More ships means more scattered security, so let's get to work on _devouring these motherfuckers!_ "

Keith was both impressed and frightened by his lion's choice of speech and mannerism, but eh. To be completely honest, he couldn't have said it better himself.

Red let out a roar as they charged the ships, the Lioness only leaving one in piece. Apparently, that was 'the one' and they had to retrieve a special item from it that the Galra were meant to be guarding.

"Quintessence?"

Red scoffed at her pilot, "Mate, it's _way_ better."

He didn't have time for more questions as Red lunged forward by herself and broke into the ship.

The suction threatened to pull them back out into space as Red informed her Paladin, "Keith, I'm gonna spit you out in three… two…"

Keith blinked, "Wait, _you're gonna what?!_ "

But his shouts were lost in the vacuum of space. He'd managed to scramble into the next compartment as one of the Galra sentries slammed the gate shut.

No time to dick around; Keith summoned his Bayard's sword and began slicing the enemies like fruit, like a _Fruit Ninja_. These sentries weren't half as badass as the castle's hard mode – and not even a _fraction_ of the extreme mode. Or maybe Keith was just exceptionally talented at kicking Robot ArseTM (I'm trademarking that aww yea)

As this went on, Red had a mission of her own. No way was she gonna let reinforcements arrive or let the bastards wormhole away – not on her watch! She broke into another place on the ship and transformed into her humanoid form as she forward-rolled through the closing gate.

Et voila! The control room.

One of the pilots sounded the alarm as the lights dimmed, leaving only the fewer red lights to shine light on their surroundings. This only served to make Red's appearance more ominous.

Markings that usually weren't there – light blue and luminescent – glowed across her arms, face and tail. Her bright yellow eyes shone gold in the dark like those of the Galra themselves. She grinned, revealing white fangs, protruding more than usual, and spread her claw-like fingers.

"I'm afraid you can't run _and_ you can't hide, fellas."

-o-O-o-

As it turns out, Keith was only super-effective against Robot ArseTM and, at best, he was ~eh~ against actual Galra soldiers. Usually this was the part where Shiro would charge in and beat the shit out of 'em with his epic glowing arm and make the fangirls go wild, but no. Keith was the one who needed to make the fangirls go wild this time (about four seasons too early) and he couldn't afford to disappoint (not that anyone was _actually_ disappointed though, Keith was still pretty hot not gonna lie).

The soldier (yes, singular) was a snake-like woman, with purple scales and white patterns, who hissed at Keith's every move. She was relentless and showed no mercy, sacrificing plenty of sentries to distract Keith as she bounded off the walls in a zigzag attack pattern. Of course, it didn't take Keith long to catch on and interrupt her mid-air; he slashed her leg and she collapsed to the floor. She tried to get up several times, each time failing – her other leg had a twisted ankle. She then tried to scramble for one of the destroyed sentry's blasters. Keith halted her by stepping on her hand. She held back a yelp of pain, instead shooting Keith a glare dead in the eyes.

The glare almost spoke: " _Victory or death_."

Keith's eyes widened in realisation. This was a war.

People died.

People killed.

Just how many soldiers had died in those other ships? In all the ships Voltron had previously destroyed? What was so different killing face-to-face and not? Keith was not a coward. He nodded, reluctantly, and with one swift strike ended her fight.

He was no monster and he gave her a moment of silence.

Red's voice abruptly broke the air, "Keith, I'm all sorted here. Have you retrieved the item yet?"

Keith's thoughts suddenly snapped back to the present situation. "Shit, no? Where the hell's it supposed to be?"

"Ah, too many questions, my good Paladin! But yeah, it's basically the next door across from where you are."

He barged into the next room, bracing himself for another onslaught of sentries or soldiers. Nothing came at him. He blinked, his eyes adjusting to the dim, red-tinted lighting. He gazed around and found artefacts of all sorts, all appearing to be of different cultures – different planets, even.

He furrowed his brows, confused as to why such a ship would exist and why the Galra would even keep so much of this… stuff. "What is this, a trophy room or something?"

"OH GOD ENOUGH WITH THE QUESTIONS! But yeah."

Now Keith was starting to get a little irritated with his lion's bad attitude, " _Don't_ snap at me Red, I just fucking _murdered_ someone for this. It better be worth it."

Red took a breath as if to make a point that they've killed before, but realised it'd be wiser to keep her mouth shut. Her master hadn't had to murder someone _up close_ before.

She asked if he could see a bright light ahead, not very far-reaching but bright and green. As he walked ahead, he could see another light. It was a crystal, similar to those of the Balmera, but this time green, glowing and rounded off – it didn't jut out like most crystals, the ends were rounded like opals. It was like a bunch of green, luminous opals had merged together in a huge crystal formation, and it was truly stunning.

"Whoa." Keith let out a small sigh.

Red replied almost smugly, "I _told_ you it was better than Quintessence. That there is an Aetherite, one of the only three left in the universe. It was a unique crystal power source only found deep into the crust of Daibazaal. The other two are powering Galra Central Command, so I thought we could manage to snag this – think of the ship we could build outta that, huh?! Bloody hell, it'd be amazing."

It had been worth it. That is, until Red added, "And, uh, could you grab a violet dagger if you come across it?"

Keith had seen a purple dagger and had the nagging feeling that Red just wanted to complete her collection, but even so, a haul this big? It was worth the risk.

-o-O-o-

Red had managed to meet up with Keith and fortunately the room was big enough for her to transform into her lion form (not that she was the biggest of the lions – Kuro nor Melyn would've been able to fit in that room). Keith had prioritised the crystal, tying it to one of Red's legs so she could take most of the weight and pull it in. It was an awkward job, but with a wiggle and a jump Red managed to get it in. Keith then took the dagger and, as there was plenty of room still left in the lion, they ended up taking back a whole pile of… stuff.

Keith looked back at the pile uncertainly, "Are you sure we can just take all this, Red?"

Red sensed the doubt and lingering guilt on her Paladin's mind, but it couldn't be helped. This was a war and things like this, much worse than this, were inevitable. She sighed, "Keith. It's hard, but… You attack, you succeed, you plunder. Those are the three rules of warfare. Even Alfor, who was undoubtedly a man of peace, took part in his fair share of wars. He killed people, _we_ killed people."

He sighed, nodding in understanding. "I know, it's just… like it hasn't sunk in yet, you know?"

She purred in return; her master acted all tough and emo, but really he was just a big softie. "Aww, get in so we can get back to the Castle where I can give you the biggest hug in the universe!"

-o-O-o-

"…And that's that!"

Kuro seemed unconvinced, "Really? Show me the crystal."

Red rolled her eyes, but did as she was told. She strolled over to the pile of… stuff in the corner. With a great tug, she pulled a silk cloth off one of the objects, revealing the object to be the crystal, shining bright as ever.

She commented wistfully, "Shame they don't use these much anymore – the other two are basically crumbling away at Central Command. They're all about Quintessence this and Quintessence that nowadays."

Kuro chuckled at Red's unusually serious attitude, "You sound like a groggy old man."

Keith replied to Red's rant, "Well, I guess lime green is trademark Disney villains, so they had to settle on purple?"

The Lionesses blinked at him, absolutely no clue what he was going on about. The boy blushed slightly, shrugging at them, "What? It's just a thought!"

Kuro sighed, "Well, at least none of you had to fight in the Astral Plane… and Red, please just give Shiro his eyeliner."

Red grumbled, letting out a tight 'fiiiiine' through her teeth. Keith had wondered why she looked scarier today – her bright yellow eyes had been outlined, making them stand even more.

Damn did it feel good to be on this side.

* * *

 **A/N idk it started innocently but then killing happened so I panicked and thought 'oh shit it wasn't meant to be this deep asdjskljfskjfh' so I added some weird inspirational stuff. But honestly, S6 made death seem commonplace (I mean now that Allura is Miss Plot Armour who revived not one but TWO PEOPLE) and excuse my shitty fight scenes I can't write them. And the blue markings are like those on the actual lion, but they only appear when the Lionesses get super pissed, and not the drunken kind.**

 **Also, I just realised that S7 PREMIERES IN A WEEK! WHAT?!**

 **I should do some Lance stuff for JuLance… but really I should make these shorter…**


	10. The Full Feud

**A/N *Writes two pages of half-assed, rushed crap* *oh shit now I'm away* *oh shit I'm back* *oh shit S7***

 **(shiro voice) nope not doing that *deletes chapter* *ends life after the trainwreck of S7***

 **I'm so sorry guys I've been on holiday and I wanted to post something ages ago for Lance's bday but I just didn't have enough time nor inspiration and I am still shooketh from all the S7 crap that happened I could rant forever, but I realise that we can only wait for S8 and hope they fix the horrible relationships… I've also been focusing on a more story-wise AU, so… This will probably fall behind.**

 **And I know this is just a crappy one-shot thing but still! I want it to be at least 20 chapters before I finish it.**

 **This episode did Lance wrong like do the writers** ** _want_** **to be murdered by the Lance stans?! I'll also probably be taking a lot of these ideas from posts I saw online, so thanks to those amazing guys who give us the comedy the content can't (but also Shiro's dark sense of humour is canon now and** ** _I love it_** **)**

* * *

The Full Feud

 ** _AKA how the game show ep should've gone down: memes_**

The Paladins had found themselves in… a game show? Or was it a torture show? Questions alone could've been handled, if not for the opposing team…

The Lionesses.

In all their snarky goddamn glory.

Kuro was smirking for the first time ever whilst Red and Azul were _genuinely supporting each other_ just so they could defeat their Paladins, Melyn and Verde visibly shaking with excitement.

Hunk went pale at the sight of their confidence (contrasted by the utter confusion and chaos of his side) and mumbled, "Oh. We are _definitely_ going to die here."

The host floated up to Kuro (still devilishly smirking by the way, and it was making Hunk and Lance physically _shrink_ I'm not even joking), "So, Kuro, how're the girls? It's been a few thousand years, hasn't it?"

"Over 10,000, Bob. Now, get onto the Warfles so I can _murder_ these Paladins," she growled excitedly, her red and blue highlights starting to glow.

Melyn gulped, "Last time didn't she get Zarkon sent to the Snick?"

Azul grinned, reminiscing, "That was freaking awesome – but you know what was better? Alfor's _embarrassing lifesnap collection!_ " And she fell over in hysterics.

Needless to say, the Paladins didn't get off to a good start (thanks to Keith's brilliant artist skills combined with Lance's god-level guessing skills) and when the timer buzzed Kuro practically roared "THAT'S HAGGAR THAT QUIZNAKING _BITCH_."

Silence ensued for a few seconds as Kuro's hair fell back down and she took a deep breath, even Bob edged away from the Lioness.

Bob continued, "Err, well, onto the next round! For the next round we'll need-"

He was cut off by Red who pounced on top of him, ordering the next round to be- "GUESS WHO! I WANNA DESCRIBE SOME IDIOTS!"

The host really wanted to say that he was the _literal god of the universe_ , but thought that Guess Who might have more comedic effect, something well overdue in this time of terminal depression within the fandom.

He sighed, "Have it your way," and then snapped his fingers to place Red back with her team. "The Lionesses will go first, they will get a person to describe."

Lance gasped, "Oh, and then we get to ask questions, right?"

Bob changed his mouth into a zipper and closed it, "No, dummy. The Lionesses each choose one word to describe the person – I can see if any of them overlap. You then see the words and have three guesses as to who it's describing."

Allura gave a pointed look to Lance, "You _better_ not screw this one up too,"

Again one of the only things Red and Azul could ever unite over: someone offending Lance. Bob had to zip their mouths too or the arena would've been filled with horrible hissing. He gave the Lionesses their first person, some looking excited as others gave Bob a glare (*cough* Kuro *cough*)

"This is far too easy; I am disappointed."

"We have to start somewhere," (also this first one is extra memeable)

The Lionesses had 10 seconds to scribble down a word – Azul had to change hers at the last minute as someone else had the same one – and then the Paladins could breathe again, the Lionesses proudly showing off their words:

Kuro's showed 'trouble', Azul's was 'knife', Verde's was 'scary', Melyn's presented 'grizzled' and Red proudly revealed hers as simply: ' _gay_ '.

There was a moment of calm before the storm.

And then Keith slammed his hands on the counter, exclaiming, "ARE YOU FUCKING _KIDDING_ ME?"

Bob simply asked the audience, "Areyoufuckingkiddingme? Who's that?" At which the audience laughed, only serving to redden the Black Paladin's face.

Lance scoffed, "That's obviously Keith."

Pidge couldn't contain her laughter anymore, "Pfffft, well _duh_ you're the one who _called_ him 'grizzled' and if that ain't the most bisexual disaster then I'm a fucking _fish!_ " She then broke into uncontrollable laughter – until Bob turned her into a little glasses-wearing fishie and stuck her in a bowl.

Lance and Allura gasped, mourning the loss of their teammate, as Hunk simply cooed at the adorable fishie (for god's sake guys it had _glasses_ I mean- *dies of cuteness*).

Keith sent his worst death glares toward Bob, who simply replied, "Your blush still hasn't disappeared, so you just look like a tsundere." At which the audience broke into an array of 'awwww's' (and Keith's blush deepened yet _again_ , what to do with this poor boi)

Hunk added, "Hey, can you turn Keith into an angry little kitty like you made Pidge a fish?"

Allura was about to _die_ surrounded by these idiots. She moaned, pulling her own hair out of her head, "Oh for the _love of the Ancients_ , can we get on with this _stupid game_ and save the universe already!"

Bob snapped his fingers again, returning Pidge to her original form as he applauded Allura's attitude. The Lionesses then got on with their next victim. (" _It's still too easy_ ," "Oh boohoo bitch get on with it,")

Kuro: Strong  
Azul: Beautiful  
Verde: Zombie  
Melyn: Disaster  
Red: _Gay._ ("You're just gonna write that every time, aren't you?" "As long as it's true, yep." *sighs*)

Keith yelled once more, "Why the _hell_ are you bullying my family?! Can't you just _leave me fucking be?!_ "

Bob was about to repeat his sarcastic question to the audience, but the Black Paladin cut him off, "FUCK YOU _AND_ THOSE COUGARS, THEY DESCRIBED _SHIRO_."

Well, he was correct? He was also failing at the game's real purpose, though. Bob decided one last chance, this time harder.

Kuro: Demon  
Azul: Awful  
Verde: Teleport  
Melyn: Okay?  
Red: _Sexy._ (" _What the quiznak_." "Admit it Azul, he's _hella fine_." *rolls eyes*)

This one took the Paladins a little while longer, but through some team discussion they managed to come to a conclusion: if the Lionesses hated it, it must be either Galra or dog-related and Verde had said 'teleport' (Red had also said 'sexy' which also fit their guess but only Lance pointed that out, the damn closeted furry) – this left only one option.

Keith would've had another go at the Lionesses, but he refrained. He'd really been shouting for no reason, _shouting and complaining didn't help anyone_ , and so he took a deep breath. "It's my wolf."

However, the buzzers sounded 'INCORRECT'-

-until the other four simultaneously yelled " _KOSMO!_ "

Their leader groaned in defeat, "Alright _fine_ , we'll call him Kosmo. With a K. That part is very important." At this the crowd cheered – although they didn't get to see anyone tortured, dogs can cure all ill will. Fact.

Bob then shooed everyone onto the next round where he would ask each Paladin a tailored question, the Lionesses able to steal their points if they fail at any point. Keep in mind each Paladin would only get one answer and they were banned from discussing it with the others.

"Forget ladies first, I say leaders first! So, Keith, finish this off: I say Vol and you say…?"

Lance practically slammed his head onto the counter: _they were going to die_. Lance had died once already and honestly? It was pretty shitty. Just… nothingness. He prayed to every deity he knew for Keith to do one thing right in his goddamn life-

"…Tron."

Sure, he'd made the weirdest contortions of his face whilst wracking his brain for that nearly four-year old memory, but _he'd_ _done it_.

Pidge snapped her fingers, "Verde, play _We Are the Champions_."

Her Lioness coughed, "Uhhh, you only programmed me to be able to play Despacito and the Pi song?"

Hunk couldn't help but giggle, "The Pi song?! Oh my god that's _adorable_ ,"

Meanwhile Lance and Allura were in tears embracing everyone they could in a victory hug, especially each other. Keith may have gone on to complain once again about how _stupid_ that _stupid chant_ was, but no one cared. _He had done it._

Bob wasted no time moving onto Lance's question, the _real_ shit: "So, do you remember the Bonding Moment or not?

The hugs had ended and returned to deathly silence as Lance weighed his options. Admit and face Keith's imminent blade of vengeance (not to mention the constant harrowing from Pidge and the Lionesses), or lie and possibly risk death for his team – _probably_ risk death for his team. Clearly, there was only one answer.

He sighed, barely mumbling out, " _Alright_ , we had a… a… bndnmhmn…" Nine menacing glares pierced into his being at once, forcing Lance to recover his mumbles and blurt out at the speed of sound, " _WE HAD A BONDING MOMENT_ , OKAY? BUT IT WAS SHIRO WHO _CRADLED_ ME, _YOU_ JUST HELD MY HAND!"

Keith simply shook his head, not even angry since he obviously knew Lance had been lying all along, but just… disappointed.

Bob whistled, "Ooh, I can practically taste the beef over here! Moving on… Pidge! Tell me, what happens when you hack into a Lion?"

Wait.

 _What._

Plenty of questions were swirling through the Paladins' minds, and quite rightly so, because messing with the most powerful weapon in the universe was _no fucking joke_. They got that Pidge was Plus Ultra curious about literally _anything_ tech-related, but if it ain't broke don't fix it, girl.

The Green Paladin was left squirming uncomfortably, absolutely red and drowning in guilt. She moaned, "A _hell of a mess_ , that's what happens…" She sighed. "That was the day the Lions didn't work and we had to fight the oncoming Galra with our Bayards… It also affected their mood swings and made them all act like they were having their period…"

The Paladins exclaimed all at once "SO _ALL_ _THAT_ WAS _YOUR FAULT?!_ "

The Lionesses had done Pidge the courtesy of keeping this to themselves, providing she never did it again. Thankfully her friends were just shocked and not hostile in any response, so Bob proceeded to ask Allura her question.

"So Allura, can you tell me a 'Vine'?"

This was it.

The moment of truth.

The moment all would be tested in Allura's many phoebs of learning the culture of Earth.

Pidge prayed that by some psychic powers she could send all her expert knowledge in that area over to the princess, Lance doing the same – just with a much more scrunched-up expression. Hunk had his fingers crossed, praying that they would not die here – okay I'll stop with the death but S7 has given me a ton o' Death and Disappointment guys. Keith, however, was bracing himself to accept a fate where they died this very day. (I lied about stopping muahaha)

Thankfully, Allura did manage to remember one that made sense to her. "Um… 'Road work ahead'? Uh, yeah, I _sure hope_ it does," and everyone could take a deep breath.

The Lionesses had nearly slept by this point, if you must know. "They're doing so well it's _boring_."

Azul huffed at Red, "Can you keep your inner sadist quiet for _one_ day?"

Kuro growled, "Quiet, little one, the scary one is right."

Melyn snorted, "Kuro called _Azul_ the little one."

Never mind their own conversation (that consisted of growling and hissing and just generally throwing shade), the last Paladin needed to answer his question – arguably the hardest of the lot.

"Hunk, if you had to choose one Paladin to die in order for the others to survive, which one would you sacrifice?"

Hunk, the sunshine, the best boy, the love of our lives, choosing a sacrifice? Downright _conspiracy_. He fumbled for his words, not being able to bring himself to think of a single Paladin they could survive without. In the end, his answer remained the same, and he believed it was the only possible one he could say with confidence.

"I can't. I can't sacrifice anyone, we're _all_ important. Without even one of us, we wouldn't be able to cope. We all work together and survive as a _team_ – I can't sacrifice any single person here, it'd be like destroying one of the Lions themselves."

Clearly the right answer, although it brought everyone (including the audience and Bob himself) to tears.

The game show ended with a reversed question directed at all of the Paladins: to choose one person to survive and escape. Naturally, they all chose a different person (to Kuro and Red's disappointment, the other three were overjoyed, Melyn screaming " _KICK_ ME BABY")

Though they may have had a rough start, Bob did indeed deem them worthy.

The legendary defenders of the universe – and their troublesome Lions, of course.

* * *

 **A/N Wow I actually wrote something wholesome I'm proud. Is this slightly Klance? Lol idk I've been reading Klance theories bc Allurance and Acxeith would be horrible endgames tbh, they need to sort out their shit in S8. Like, at least make Allurance decent? Anyways, I think S8 will give more leeway for relationships and general talking, y'know since they're not in the** ** _middle of a war_** **, amirite? Also let's not talk about queerbaiting bc yous all hyped Adashi y'selves, and KICK is still alive read the theories bitch (like not to be offensive I'm happy with any endgame as long as they write it well, we just gotta wait till November since that's probably when S8 will come out stay strong fans and don't start sendin death threats be chill) tbh the main thing that pissed me off was how Romelle was an angel in the first half (first half was overall amazing), but then completely forgotten about after ep 6?!**

 **But also the whole weaponised Altean colony thing? I FRICKIN CALLED THAT AS SOON AS HAGGAR FOUND OUT AND THEN VANISHED, I BE LIKE 'yup she's gonna go recruit them all into her wizard army and/or just make them all into weapons' SO THERE**

 **And can we have some Kinkade fanart y'all he's too hot it has to be illegal.**

 **I also can't lie to myself anymore, Shiro wins. He is God. He is my favourite. He deserves the fucking** ** _universe_** **.**

 **That's it.**


	11. A Series of Extraordinary Events

**A/N How is it possible to be given so many friggin essays within the first bloody half-term? THERE'S EVEN STILL 3 WEEKS LEFT. Yup, GCSEs mean a hell of a lot more work, plus all my extra-curricular AND the theatre production… I have no time plz help me I even signed up for Legally Blonde along with it all… I don't even think the half-term will hold any peace, since I have my D of E, we're going on holiday again, and it's my bday so I wanna procrastinaaaaaate…. Also, the S8 trailer will probably drop and ruin my life.**

 **I promise I'll try to update/write bits of this, and a new chapter for my proper fic, during these small breaks I have in evenings. (Also, forgive my procrastination, but has anyone watched Hilda on Netflix? It is actually the most ADORABLE and PUREST thing** ** _ever!_** **) I wanted to write more characters, but I'll have to save them for later…**

 **So this time I decided to do this mini-chapters all in one chapter thingy. I mean, everyone's back together and ON EARTH! Behold a new setting for le fanfics.**

* * *

 ** _Idk post-S7?_**

Humans are Space Orcs:  
(or, alternatively-)  
Humans like to Die:

Allura and Romelle, after a full three-hour explanation, were still completely confused.

The princess tilted her head, "So… Earth has never actually had a 'War of Worlds' but _three_ wars between the countries of this world?"

Romelle also added, "And your world is so diverse that it needed to be split into 'countries' – like mini-worlds of their own?"

Shiro bit his lips: that made humans sound like crazy savages on their periods. Truthfully, though, it was factual. "Uh, yes? But those wars actually propelled civilisation forward, you could argue. Now the different countries of the world all cooperate a lot more and our technology has enabled us to finally open up to other life – to you – and, you know, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Allura (still very confused, but all the same) smiled, "Oh! And in your case, even what _does_ kill you can make you stronger!"

Shiro just gave an awkward laugh, wishing he was back in the Astral Plane, Romelle mumbling in realisation, "But didn't the Alteans do all of that _without_ the wars, much _quicker?_ "

Shiro was about to start using his new arm as Yondu's motherfucking arrow, but Allura interrupted with a much more pressing issue: "Don't worry Shiro, Lance _also_ died and came back even stronger."

That was a very long and stressful day that ended in mostly tears. (It all ended in tears)

-o-O-o-

Correct Armour:

Melyn couldn't take it anymore – now that Shiro commanded the Atlas, there were no excuses.

"ALRIGHT IF Y'ALL DON'T SORT OUT YOUR COLOURS _RIGHT NOW_ IMMA GO ON STRIKE."

Hunk was the most heartbroken by far – he knew just _how much_ she struggled with the sheer blasphemy of it all – but the one who really looked the _worst?_

Lance.

I mean, having to give his own suit to his beautiful, fabulous, talented, amazing, literally _royal_ crush AND to then don the clothes of his hot- I mean grizzled- I mean _judging_ leader… ?

This was _worse_ than suicide, and he'd _already_ _experienced_ death!

Keith also seemed a little disconcerted: he'd have to wear the past leader, his idol, _Shiro's_ armour. Like, that is some _heavy shit_ to carry, people. And so he descended into a spiral of doubt…

Allura, if she did feel any weirdness about wearing the clothes of someone who had a _scary_ crush on her, didn't seem very fazed by any of this.

Meanwhile Pidge had literally no qualms, watching the scenario with a bag of popcorn.

-o-O-o-

Through Shiro's green light and the Lionesses' persistent demands, the Paladins thought to at least _try_ wearing matching armour.

It did not go well.

Melyn spent the entire mission vocally appreciating the changes, distracting poor Hunk from tracking the stray Galra hostiles; Allura spent the entire time trying to mask her expression of horror at just how much product was left on Lance's armour (trust her, she'd cleaned it every way possible multiple times, and that waxy foundation would _not_ come off even if the sun threatened to explode on it) and it didn't help that Azul kept hinting about it to Lance; Keith was trying way too hard to live up to Shiro's standards, making Kuro pull crazy stunts she'd much rather _not_ ; and Red was left cackling maniacally at Lance's mental breakdown. Pidge was still eating popcorn, by the way.

Verde mumbled to her Paladin, "Shouldn't we help them?"

"Are you kidding, Verde? This is fucking _gold!_ "

Azul called to Lance, "Yo, what foundation do you use? I mean whatever it is, it must stick _pretty damn well_ ,"

Kuro growled, partly because Keith had made her squeeze through a tiny canyon that scratched her flank, partly towards Azul's obvious prying, "Azul, Red, you are _not_ _helping_ the Red Paladin."

Verde nodded in agreement, "Also Azul, you don't need makeup, you're a Lioness! You were born perfect! No, literally, like, that was our whole _purpose_ -"

Lance squealed like a kettle boiling over, "Ohmyfuckinggodyouguys, could you please _shut up!?_ "

Red couldn't keep her giggles at bay, "Yeah guys, he's trying to get through his bi disaster~! Let him sort out who his crush is, _please_ ,"

"Red, I do not think teasing is necessary," Allura tried to calm Red down, but it backfired epically.

" _Oh?_ Says the princess who's _suddenly_ shown interest, having shown _none_ for nearly two bloody years prior?"

Only now did Melyn's constant chatter rise to interrupt everyone's arguments, resulting in Hunk finally breaking, "Okay, Mel, I fucking _get it_ , we _all_ fucking get it, so for the love of all things good and beautiful, shut. The fuck. Up."

What was meant to be an order for silence via Hunk's endangered admonishments turned into a free-for-all where everyone lashed out at each other all at once over the comms – Pidge still gloriously munching on her popcorn.

Keith finally yelled, eyes turning Galra, as he broadcast onto everyone's screens, "That's enough of you all shouting like children, the majority of you are _over 10,000 years old_ , for Christ's sake! We've been through _two wars_ , a _dozen_ fights to the death, the _loss_ of loved ones, but we crumble the moment we _change our outfits?_ What are you _, K-Pop Idols?!_ " His hands had been flying in every direction, pointing accusingly, and it would've been hilarious if it weren't for the yellow slit-eyes and the way his voice had gotten this eerie growl to it as he yelled.

Needless to say, everyone got their shit together and dealt with the mission. They probably could've kept their new armour after having gotten past the initial problems, if not for one revelation.

Keith found his roots turning white.

Was this the curse of the Black Armour?

-o-O-o-

A Bad Bet:

"Did you see the way he gave me that condescending look? I don't buy his 'boy scout' act at all. I bet he's just _waiting_ to throw something venomous my way – or when something goes south blame everything on me – or just _generally hate me_ for being half-Galra-"

Pidge held a hand out to Keith, "Whoa leader, you really wanna bet that James would do all that? I mean, I'd make a bet that he _won't_ : in all these years, he seems to have gotten over your rivalry, moved on, realised it was all superficial anyway, it was probably only fuelled by jealousy too, and has learned to become a great leader of his own team. If anything, it's the whole 'likes repel' cliché."

Keith (ignoring Lance's call of "Yeah Keith not everything's about you!") glared at his small friend, "Oh really? And what are you willing to bet on that?"

Pidge grinned, "Only if you tell me what _you're_ willing to bet,"

-o-O-o-

Keith had indeed confronted James, expecting it to end in another one of those fist fights that Shiro had to break up, but no. They had an honest to god normal, dare I say _nice_ , conversation. They both apologised for their previous relationship and all of Pidge's assumptions turned out to be correct.

Hunk _had_ warned him, "Buddy, _what?_ No, you _never_ make a bet with Pidge – because she's _always right!_ "

He should've never made it a bet – he was about to try negotiating with Pidge, but Shiro, Kuro, Kosmo and even _his own mother Krolia's_ judging gazes made him keep his promise.

Red cat-called as Keith walked to lunch in the infamous _virgin killer sweater_.

Let's just say the paparazzi were leaving trails of blood.

-Which still wasn't enough to rival the amount threatening to leave Lance's body. Honestly, even Azul was flushing at how fucking _good_ it looked on him.

(If you don't know what a virgin killer sweater is, I've just introduced you to the _best_ fanservice in the world)

-o-O-o-

The Cat-Lover:

Veronica squealed so loud Lance swore the few windows left were left no longer. Right, he just remembered, his sister was the biggest cat-lover in the universe. Of course, they were never allowed any pets due to their brother's endless list of allergies, but Veronica was the queen of finding the cutest cat pics, and Lance the king of finding the best cat memes. It makes sense that literal living cat girls would send Veronica nuts, especially considering the most catlike of all the Lionesses was the one to approach them on their day off: Kuro.

Kuro gave her unimpressed, slit-eyed stare to the siblings as the eldest freaked out. Kuro mumbled a simple explanation, "That traitor of a leader is off concocting schemes with the demon, so I came to this so-called 'cat-lover' for pampering."

Veronica was beaming almost scarily, "I have no idea what she just said, but SHE IS ADORABLE!"

Lance sighed, "She came here for a fuss because she's jealous of Kosmo." He whispered to his sister, "Kuro absolutely _loves_ fusses – she'd literally turn to the dark side if Darth Vader was good enough at fussing her." I mean, that's what she did with Zarkon, so…

Veronica gave one more deafening squeal before pouncing onto Kuro's furry little black ears. Sure, Red was the cat you see memes about, the one who's already conquered the world and is plotting to kill all of humanity; Azul is that tsundere cat who usually doesn't want anything to do with you, but gives you an affectionate rub from time to time; Melyn is that chubby, chill cat who rolls around in the garden, bringing dead mice back every so often; Verde is the runt of the litter who shadows her owner, usually the clumsy kitten who knocks vases down and scratches the wrong spot; but the most undeniably catlike is clearly Kuro. Kuro has elements of world domination, that condescending glare even though she does care about you, most of the time she will stay out of your way and chill on her own, and whatever she says about Shiro being an incompetent fusser, or Keith being a traitor, she stalks their every move and makes sure they don't fuck up too bad. Hell, Shiro _did that_ and she still picked him up and stored him in her very essence for a good year before anyone figured out he'd ever even died. Lance would describe Kuro as the team's tough-loving, scary, foreign grandma.

However, at the sight of Veronica seeming to have cracked the Da Vinci code on how to correctly fuss Kuro, Kuro purring like an old vehicle, displaying the most content kitty face Lance had ever seen on her, Lance began to question his stoic image of the Black Lioness in his mind.

Veronica gave her catlike grin as Kuro moaned in pleasure, "Oh my quiznak you are _good_ ,"

Not sure _what_ this was escalating into, Lance backed out of the room slowly and quietly.

-o-O-o-

Grandpa Shiro is Unimpressed:

Veronica also loved Slav and thought his 'Alternate Reality' stuff was hilarious, and Lance thought that was only because she thought Slav was joking, which was kinda true, but Veronica still loved Slav for being such an extraordinary genius. On top of that, most of the other Garrison officers and the MFEs took after Veronica and began to love Slav too. He helped them progress all their technology and think of ways to raise efficiency, and so on.

Shiro, however, was having none of it.

Slav had been going on about which realities had what and such, then Pidge asked, "Hey. How many realities do Hunk and Keith get it on?"

"PIDGE!" _Plenty_ of people yelled at her. In her defence, the pair had been _quite_ buddy-buddy recently, genuinely enjoying each other's company.

Melyn was about to take Pidge away to the naughty corner (AKA put her next to Kuro's furiously swishing tail, a tail that once won a wrestling match against Kolivan, mind you), until Slav answered her question (all too) happily, "Oh, clearly 21.71% of realities, those are the ones Hunk is able to warm his way into Keith's cold heart. But, in fact, it's a lot easier than people think, since I can safely say that Keith and Lance 'get it on' in at least…" He hummed in thought for a second as about ten people charged at Slav yelling that nobody needed to know, though all of whom were batted away by Red. Slav finally finished calculating, "68.83% of realities – oh, and by the way, all of these calculations include harems and polyamorous relationships. Surprisingly, there are a lot of realities where Lance has his own harem…"

Pidge, however, was severely disappointed. "Damn, so close to 69…"

Keith just groaned, "I think I'm gonna be sick…"

Lance wasn't sure whether he should be proud or disgusted like Keith, but decided taking the opposite side would be more his style and so said nothing but wore a smug expression for the next few minutes. Red gasped, mumbling something about witnessing the rare 'Smug Silence' of her Paladin, as Verde simply blinked in confusion. The poor kitten, she never knew what weird ideas flew around the minds of her elders. Fortunately, Kuro did understand, and had the maturity to whack those three on the head sequentially before Azul could hiss a snarky remark at Red, which would be closely followed by a cheeky romance-related question from Melyn, a question that would only serve to complicate matters further.

Shiro sensed the scene starting to diminish and refrained from sending his new nifty floaty arm to whisk that pesky Slav away – though it took a great deal of patience yields focusing. However, the scene never managed to entirely diminish as something very, very, _very_ unexpected happened. So unexpected you might even say the writer got lazy and needed an excuse for more shenanigans.

 **BOOM!**

And the US Army appeared, guns, tanks, ships, the whole lot – all aimed straight at the Paladins and their Lionesses. Upon later explanation, most military groups around the world had the insight to evacuate most civilians underground and protect them there (they knew better than to fight high-tech aliens mate, they've been to the cinema) and now, what oh what could be the biggest threat to humanity? Sure, all these aliens may seem suspicious, but _living, magic, mecha furries?_ Ah, now you see the threat (as would the majority of the Paladins themselves *cough cough* _Red_ *cough*) – but what is the really stupid thing about this whole thing is not that these creatures literally defeated a whole-arse alien army, but the whole 'magic' part of their description.

Of course, the Paladins looked fairly shocked (although Allura was more curious than anything), whilst most of the Lionesses simply looked disappointed. Azul and Romelle muttered to each other, "Humans really _are_ quite dumb."

Verde, being surprisingly scary when it came to the threat of the Paladins (or more specifically, _her_ Paladin), took quick care of the situation by sprouting various plants and vines from the would-be dead soil. Three quarters of the army had been taken care of by just this one little green neko… Pidge smirked, evilly proud, in the background.

Shiro did not smirk or smile as most of the others did (even Keith was smirking, tut tut), because they'd kinda just destroyed a valuable defence asset for Earth. Clearly, the military generals were not happy either.

One particularly nasty-looking bearded man scrambled out of his plant-struck tank, yelling profanity at the group. He complained, "Look what you damned _monsters_ have done! It's not enough for you to lead those hideous _things_ here and bring back the dead!? Foul creatures, have you no sense of shame!?"

The Paladins gave the general antagonistic looks, Lance and Pidge drawing their Bayards as Keith held his, still debating whether he should get involved or not. Thankfully, none of those were needed as Kuro stepped forward, the other Lionesses hissing and glaring as they held their ground.

She roared, "Excuse me, horrid-ears, but you have no right to admonish us for helping you. No matter what you did, the Galra would have found you and killed you all." She glared in solemn silence for a few moments, letting those facts sink in. Finally satisfied, she continued with a sly, fangs-bared smirk, "Besides, _those_ toys couldn't even kill Romelle."

At the mention of even the thought of (best girl) Romelle being murdered, the rest of the Paladins (and just everyone in general – Romelle had quickly become a fan favourite) roared in rabid hostility. At this display of dominance, the bearded man gulped, slowly retreating into his vine-ridden tank.

Red scoffed proudly, "Ha, I love being evil."

Melyn nudged her, growling, "Red, we're the _good guys_ , remember."

"Oh. Oh right, yeah, def."

Shiro grumbled, wondering how in the universe none of them had been killed along the way- _oh wait_. Nevermind that thought, our poor grandpa just sunk down into his seat, dreading the day this shenanigans would finally come to an end…

* * *

 **A/N Ok so finally finished it, and I'm pretty sure a Romelle-centric one is gonna be next, but I really wanna talk about Klance for a sec. Honestly, I kinda disliked this ship at first, but so much crap has happened that, to me, it's really the only thing that makes sense, and I've grown to like it. A lot of sad things have happened around the Klancers, specifically Dirty Laundry getting deleted (which I loved for the story, not the fact that it was Klance – it didn't even feel like fanfiction it was that amazing), but a lot of people have been saying Dreamworks cancelled Klance? I just can't believe they'd be dumb enough to do that, though it may well be true. But also? Bullshit. I still think Klance will hit ya like pow during the last episode or summat, since the way they're setting up Allurance and Acxeith isn't good and I doubt these amazing writers would drop everything this late in the game and switch to ships that don't make sense (but also guys it's not all about ships chill). The other thing that makes this theory bullshit is that if this were true, Dreamworks would be setting themselves up for qbaiting bc of all the Klance tags and thumbnails and just everything – I genuinely think there's too much stuff for the crew to safely back out of Klance without being shitted on by not just the fans but also the news. The whole 'back and forth' thing with Shiro might've been because Dreamworks felt adding Shiro to the gays along with Klance would be overkill (although it stays true to the 'gays travel in packs' myth). All theories aside tho, even Netflix ain't happy, they took Voltron off the LGBT section lol.**

 **Honestly, I just want them to write whatever they're doing well. But also? Kick.**

 **Theories aside, I LOVED WRITING THIS! I'm not sure maybe from now on all chapters might be like this? It depends on the idea, really, and I was meant to be writing my other fic before I went back to this but inspiration calls! But also? Please check out my other fic I'm proud that I haven't lost all my writing abilities, it's called Seeking Secrets and was kinda inspired by Riverdale which I binged this summer.**

 **I feel like I'm picking on Keith too much. But also? I should stop saying 'but also'**


End file.
